Thursday, January 7, 2010
5:02 PM | Edit Post
I want to share with all the parents out there, the true story and feelings of a real man that was circumcised as an infant. Adam has been able to be honest and brave in a way that touches my heart deeply. His story makes me weep for all the other men that are in his position, and for all the boys that someday will be. To all the parents out there who have left their son intact, I'm sure you will be grateful that your own son will never have to struggle in the way that Adam has.
To all the soon-to-be parents, I hope that when you read Adam's story, you will realize he is FAR from the only man with these feelings and experiences. I hope you learn that the prepuce organ (aka foreskin) has a purpose and a value. It does not pose a risk to your child's health any more than any other part of their body does. Please allow your child to stay whole and make cosmetic body choices for themselves when they are of age.
If you've already circumcised one or more of your children, there is hope! You can educate yourself on foreskin restoration, so that when your child is grown, you can be emotionally prepared for their questions, validate their feelings, and you can also provide them with information about restoration if they'd like to consider it. Also, if you have another son in the future, you CAN choose to keep them intact! Many mothers have done this after learning more about the issue, and have been able to help their children understand. (see this discussion from moms who regret circumcision, and how many of them have handled having both circumcised and intact children)
The pain, confusion, resentment, and scars I have seen in only a brief period of talking with circumcised men has been enough to shake me to my core. There are so many products, support groups, and forums dedicated to helping all these men "restore" their foreskins. Unfortunately, they will never be able to regain all of what was taken from them, but even regaining some can be very meaningful to them. By sharing this story, I hope to make people aware that circumcision is far more than "just a snip", and the consequences can haunt your child for life. Those who know better, do better, so please take the time to learn about this issue for the sake of your child. I'll include resources at the bottom as usual.
"for me has been a whirl of mixed emotions, over all of them I can assure that none of them are good. When I have to think about my circumcision I have to face a hard fact, I have been altered, and in a very personal way at that. I am reminded that as a baby boy being born as was, was just not good enough. Most people I have encountered don't tend to think circumcision can cut so deep, but it is a cut with much depth to it. I find people left and right, circumcising their children with no qualms, and who just think they're doing the best for their child, and that the foreskin is just a flap of skin, to justify themselves they'll say `it's just a piece of skin.' And thus with such reasoning they circumcise their children, they cut away a piece. However, from my experience, the effects of circumcision come to create much more, ultimately the results of being circumcised come to create in amount the equivalent of a mosaic, therefore it is not one piece, but thousands of pieces building up. This mosaic created out of me and many other men, is in all essence I think something ugly something which should not have been made, simply and graphically put it has come to make a mosaic created solely of blood and flesh, of torture and screams, of pain and psychosis.
A lot of circumcised men are aware of their very personal unchosen alterations, but as men we are taught to not express our emotions, therefore it is rare you will hear a man express how he feels and especially if he is bothered by his circumcision. As men one of our utmost inner values is to build up security and confidence in ourselves, yet where can one have confidence if he knows he wasn't good enough from birth, that he had to be altered? It is no secret that as men we constantly fawn over our sexual prowess, and try our best to maintain our sexual securities, we worry if our penises are big enough to do the job right, if they'll bring our partners the best pleasure they can have, if they'll bring ourselves the best pleasure we can have, if they'll impress another, amongst many more manhood worries. Certainly, we shouldn't be so focused on our penises, but society has made us so, starting from birth when society was intently focused on our penises with the contemplation of circumcision, thus from the beginning we were spawned to constantly question ourselves in the penis department, for those men who were left intact they question their cleanliness and acceptance as society tells them they are dirty people and many have been shied away from for it, and for those of us who were circumcised we question our acceptance as well and our quality as men, part of our penis wasn't good enough, the foreskin, thus it holds strong possibilities that many other aspects of our penis might also not be good enough, and the whole folly of penile preoccupation is born.
When it all comes down to it, circumcision is the removal of a piece, it all starts with a piece, a piece of skin, after the skin is cut, soon comes out is a piece of blood, with a piece of blood comes a piece of pain, with a piece of pain comes the pieces of screams, with the pieces of screams comes a cry for help which when not answered comes a piece of helplessness, a piece of helplessness in this pain resolves a piece of torture, with a piece of torture one alters the state of mind and thus finally in part takes a piece of the soul. But sadly the actions are long-lasting taking further in time more pieces. As I have matured, I've discovered from not having my foreskin there is a piece of my sexuality I will never know or discover, thus another piece is gone. As I research circumcision I learn there are tens of thousands of nerve endings with which I will never feel, a loss of sexual fortitude, there goes a piece of my strength. I read that these nerve endings bring the most pleasure to a man, thus I have learned there goes a piece of my pleasure. I read on, and learn that the foreskin helps protect the head of the penis from sensitivity loss and from becoming dirty, three pieces are now gone, a piece of cleanliness, a piece of my sensitivity, and most importantly a piece of my security. Then upon the knowledge of that I become angry as I recognize this surgery upon me was done without my permission, sadly so it was done when I could never have given permission even if I wanted to, for I could not speak, as no child comes out of the womb knowing to communicate with words and thus a piece of my voice was taken. Therefore my anger amounts to a piece of my emotions, which is more than just anger, there's more than one piece of my emotions, there's a piece for sadness at the loss, a piece for confusion as to why, a piece for jealousy as I learn of men whom I consider lucky to have been able to have the choice to remain whole. As I age I learn my sensitivity decreases greatly and I have much difficulty utilizing my penis, I can barely bring myself let alone my partner pleasure, there goes a piece of my confidence. In light of these sexual difficulties and with the intention to salvage this, I resort to pharmaceuticals for aid, for erectile dysfunction, there goes a piece of my joy in bringing pleasure to my lover, there also goes a piece of my success in the self-fulfillment of the acquisition of my own pleasure. After frustration of these I cast aside my manhood, my penis, it is still a part of my body, but of no use to me, other than to expel waste, another piece of me withers away my masculinity, the piece of what signified me as a man in the first place, what told the people of the world, `I am a man' upon birth.
On top of what was taken away from the cut itself, the reasons for circumcision also take away many pieces of ourselves. The reason of "one has a lower STD acquiescence rate if circumcised" takes away a piece of my trustworthiness, in assuming I will not take precautionary measures to have safe-sex, as it is clear a condom is cheaper, more effective, and more reasonable than making a permanent cut to my penis. The reason of "it's cleaner" takes a piece of my intelligence that I am not smart enough to maintain my personal hygiene. The reasons of "it's tradition" and of "I want him to look like daddy" or "I want my son to look like me" takes a piece of individuality, for no two men are ever the same. Ultimately being circumcised unconsentedly, has taken a piece of my freedom, in having the choice of who I want to be. Over my lifetime my mosaic is slowly building, a mosaic which when all the pieces are placed together show only a tragic scene, of a victim, of an inner demon, a man-made creation gone awry, an atrocity. After all, it all starts with a piece, what is not realised I think is over the course of all the pieces taken in circumcision, intentionally and unintentionally, what stands is that of the pieces taken are thehimself, the most important pieces removed I have previously mentioned all of which are those pieces which we attribute most to being a man: freedom, individuality, security, success, joy, trustworthiness, having a voice, intelligence, strength, confidence, and masculinity.
Now, upon the personal reflection of my circumcision, assuredly I have felt the pain and heartache of the pieces of my self and soul damaged. Yet, I as a man still hold my virtues, I as a man, take pride in never giving up, and exerting dedication in being the man who betters himself. Though my circumcision has slighted me, I resort not to bitterness though I have experienced it. In my discoveries of life so far, I have learned I can restore my foreskin, sure it sounds downright silly a proposition and ultimately I wish I never was cut in the first place so that I would never have to endure this, but being a circumcised man when I think to myself, the restoration of my foreskin is my one saving grace to self-healing, to self-preservation, to not giving in to the bitterness of being damaged and instead turning my vision toward being hopeful, although I can never fully undo all the damage to my penis and the pieces of myself which were damaged in the result of that, I do have one choice, I can try my best to rebuild myself and in my awareness of self, I can also reach out to others to let them know about circumcision and to help them make informed decisions, so that others, the future men of this world will not come to suffer as I and many others have through our misfortunate tribulations of never having had the chance or choice to a whole and complete body. And in this case, finally, it starts with a piece, a piece of hope, a piece of knowledge, a piece of inspiration, a piece of altruism, and a piece of love, ultimately building piece upon piece to create a mosaic, this time of the celebrations of life."
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