Monday, January 18, 2010

Confessions of a sex goddess turned co-sleeper

Once upon a time, I was all about lingerie.   Black lace, high heels, and thigh highs.  Two kids later... I'm all about diapers, slobbery kisses... AND lingerie!  :-)  Not at the same time of course, lol.  The truth is, I may be an attached mama that loves to breastfeed and co-sleep, but my inner sex goddes is NOT dead!  Some people wonder how we can possibly share our bed with a rambunctious toddler and occasionally our 4 year old too, and still have a sex life worth speaking of.  To that I say, we're creative!




If you come over to our house, please try not to think about how many times we've gotten dirty on that couch cushion you're sitting on!  I also hope you don't notice the butt print on the shower door.  I'm pretty sure I erased all evidence of shenanigans from the kitchen counter. 

Come on, you don't just do it in bed, do you?  Just because we have kids doesn't mean we can't have fun!

Honestly, I don't think that co-sleeping impacts our sex life at all.  If anything does it, it is just parenting and life in general, and we overcome that too.  The location of your sleeping child is irrelevant.  In fact, we happen to have a king size bed, and have no qualms about scooting baby to one far corner of it so we can make good use of the other end. Yes, seriously!  That's like 5 feet away on a bed that size, lol.  She sleeps right through it, I promise.  I know we're not the only ones, either :-P

Anyhoooooo....  *nervous laugh*... we do get the bed to ourselves as well.  The little meatloaf often just falls peacefully asleep on the couch, and we jump on the chance to have some freedom in our own bed.  She can come snuggle up with us after the mayhem has died down.  I'll admit there have been a few times she's woken up out there and I've had to nurse her back to sleep whilst wearing sexy (and itchy) things, or nothing at all!  I'm sure it would look awkward to an outsider, but I've mastered the ability to switch from mommy mode to sex goddess mode and back seamlessly.  The bigger meatloaf sleeps like a hibernating bear in her own room, so she's no trouble (so much for the myth that the kids will never leave your bed, eh?)

My mother and grandmother have tried telling me that I'm not being "fair" to my husband.  *snicker*  He loves co-sleeping just as much as the kids and I do.  It's a win-win for him!  He still gets nookie from the wifey, AND the joys of bed sharing with his adorable little squirts.  What's not to love?  It's just a matter of being flexible and understanding.

Sometimes we do get too tired.  We'll flash a "how you doin" kind of look at eachother across the bed, then laugh because we realize we're both too worn out at the moment.  Like I said though, that's just life and parenting.  We make a point of making it happen other times.  This time in our children's lives is so brief in the broad scheme of things, anyway.  Someday we'll have more than enough time on our hands, lol.  Don't assume that co-sleeping families are chaste and boring.  We're forced to be more creative, and
if anything, that gives us a BETTER sex life.

So, my fellow co-sleeping mommies, come clean!  How do YOU balance your mommy side and sex goddess side?

32 comments:

choice_spirit said...

*Ahem*

Let me just say that our futon get's quite a bit of mileage... and we have a kid turning 3 next month who is still co-sleeping 90% of the time AND I am pregnant!

Obviously we aren't lacking in the sex department if I managed to get pregnant, miscarry, and then get pregnant again the next month...

My knight in shining armor loves co-sleeping too. At first it was a survival technique. I mean, who in their right mind wants to get up to nurse a newborn on demand in the other room? Then it was because we were all used to it... it's natural.

i-am-a-mama said...

My hubby was just talking about this this morning! That, even if we were the type to not have our little one stay in the room with us (he has a crib mattress beside our bed, but who are we kidding? he ends up with us by morning!) he'd likely get up in the middle of the night to join the boy wonder in *his* room instead.

We do just fine on the flip side too. ;)

JewelyaZ said...

We balance things about the way you do. Other rooms, the other end of the bed, when he's asleep in the swing, when he deigns to sleep in the crib.

Flexibility is the name of the game, as is grabbing the moment when you see it. If you wait until the laundry is done, supper is in the crock pot, the bills are paid, and the kids are asleep, sure, your sex life is dead.

If you say "screw it" to everything but the absolute essentials, you'll make the time and space.

Before those babies have teeth, nursing and screwing results in a number of extra let-downs for the babe, who usually seems to like not having to work so hard. And the "magic fingers" ride too! LOL

They don't remember specifics, and I don't buy the "you'll frighten them!" line. Neither of mine ever seemed scared when they accidentally caught us in the act; curious, perhaps, but not worried.

Lisette said...

Sometimes the kids visit grandma for an afternoon. Hubby works shifts so sometimes he's home then too. We look at each other and go "wow, we can use the bed!" LOL!! The bed is more of a novelty than anywhere else now...

Sausage Mama said...

Man, I am so sick of the question 'um, so how do you have sex?' when someone finds out we are cosleepers. Or 'um, so how do you get pregnant next time then, if you don't mind me asking?'. I realise NOW that before kids, we were 99% bed people. BORING. Kitchen counters rock, spare beds rock. Couches rock. And most weeks now, grandparents have some grandchild time and we have our bed back.


You couldn't pay SD to not cosleep. Talk about lucky husband, I agree.

Jill said...

I have to agree with everything that has been said. When you co-sleep you tend to get more creative in the sex department thus leading to a better more exciting sex life. We took every advantage of when the opportunity arose. Did that mean that my partner "helped" me with the laundry often? Of course!! Did I help him with a "project" in the garage? Hell ya!!

We are also opposite side of the bed users when we felt the need. King sized beds are WONDERFUL!

We have also been known to utilize the outdoors frequently. ;)

And I have to agree with the one comment about children not being worried about "catching" their parents in the act when they are younger. My children have walked in a few times while we were busy, and when they were younger we calmly said "Mommy and Daddy need some privacy give us a minute" and they would close the door. Now that I have 2 older girls they are mortified if they happened to catch us. But I think that is normal teen/pre-teen reaction.

Dennis, Heidi and Edmund said...

Thank you for writing this!! "Our relationship" was people's biggest concern when we said we were co-sleeping, and ironically, I think we have more of a sex life than a lot of people we know who don't co-sleep.

I also am continually disgusted by the attitude that moms can't be mom and sexy. The article you posted from the rabbi the other day was disgusting! Breasts are sexy AND nurturing. God created them to be both!!!! One night as we fell asleep in bed, my son was nestled up with his hand on my breast, and my husband had his hand resting on my other breast. It was one of the most beautiful and precious moments I've had since becoming a mom because it represented 2 very different things that I am to two very different but wonderful people in my life. And the neat thing is that I can be what each of them needs right now. I don't have to put my husband off to be a good mom and I don't have to put my son off to be a good wife. I wish I could have a picture of that moment.

Anywho, I know I'm preaching to the choir. Thank you again! Love this post!!

Kari said...

We have a sleeping bedroom where the big family bed is located (a queen sized bed squished together with a twin sized bed). Then we turned "our bedroom" into sort of a den and it has a daybed and trundle in it.

We have the luxury of being creative or using a bed. ;)

And anytime someone starts asking questions about our sex life I just point out that the baby girl was born at a time when the big girl was still co-sleeping with us!

Erynne said...

It is true. If the baby isn't TOUCHING you when you have sex, it doesn't count as creepy. :P At least, not in ou books. (and yes, he is ALWAYS asleep before we attempt anything)

The shower has also become one of our best quickie spots. The phrase, "I need a shower" has all new connotations in this house.

And there are times he actually DOES take naps in his own little floor bed, and then we spread out on OUR bed and enjoy ourselves, endeavoring to keep one ear tuned to the rhythms of the littlest person in the house, just in case.

Rebekah Costello said...

Oh dear, lol, yes. My son only shares our bed for part of the night....and my girls only a couple of times a month, these days (see, it ends!). But somehow, despite co-sleeping until my oldest was nearly 3, we have two other kids!

I think being creative is half the fun! I mean, really, after 10yrs, you're getting creative anyway just to keep it interesting! I'm with you, co-sleeping=better sex. :)

Danielle Arnold-McKenny said...

ROTFLMFAO!!!! Have you been spying on me? because I seriously could of written every single word my self!! Awesome blog!

Jessilyn said...

I LOVE this post!! We also get creative, but we always have even before our daughter was born. We have had sex more often around the house than our bed since day one. I love how it makes us feel like a team. It keeps that spark alive and I love it. Although we can become distant here and there, it is because of parenting, not because of co-sleeping.

Camille said...

Yeah, we pretty much do the same as you do. Most of the time we just scoot him over :) We also have a sleeper sofa for when we really want to use a bed ;)

I'm perpetually astounded by the argument that co-sleeping is somehow unfair to husbands. That's nuts. My husband would have it no other way because to him, it's the most natural thing. What's unfair to husbands is neglecting to love and pet them in favor of your baby.

Keep on doing the right thing! Love your babies and your men!

Ally said...

We love cosleeping, wouldn't have it any other way, and with this cuddly baby (who's 1 now) it's not like we'd have oodles of private time in our bed if we tried to get him to sleep in the other room. Yeah, we've done the baby dance while I'm nursing him to sleep...I think he'll be okay. No one wants to talk about that, but I have to think it's common--maybe it's like cosleeping in general, many more people do it than say they do. The sexy lingerie pretty much hangs out in the drawer, but there's definitely enough sex to go around. Come on, it's the cosleeping families I know who have their babies closest together!

Cat said...

FINALLY! Someone said it. I'm single so I don't have this issue, but I've told EVERYONE who says, "I could never cosleep, I like sex!" that they just need to get CREATIVE! Duh. It kind of sucks that I'm single cause I never did manage to lose my sex drive(seriously, I was in labor thinking about it lol). Ce la vie. I like this post. *two thumbs, and breasts, up!* XD

Deanna said...

We have 4 beds in our house and have labeled them as such: family bed, tickle/foreplay bed, sex bed, and the batcave bed. You figure out all the fun we have from that and you'll be smiling.

Abra said...

You've pretty much summed it up for how we go about our sex lives. We have no problem with having a baby in the room with us, it's not like they know or care what's going on! We have a co-sleeper, so the baby stays there while we're getting busy.. Before we had a baby we'd move our toddler to the living room for a little while if we wanted to use the bedroom. If you use co-sleeping as an excuse to not have sex, then you really didn't want to anyway. Some women will find any reason they can to avoid intimacy (those poor husbands)...

Nelli said...

tee hee....
we are co-sleepers too and i still managed to get pregnant when my son was 5 months! so needless to say, we probably didnt do it in the bed!
We will continue to co-sleep with the new baby (any day now) and i am secretly hoping we dont get pregnant for a year, maybe co-sleeping will help with that (rolls eyes) yea right!
my husband loves co-sleeping too, i feel like its really the only way we get sleep!
love your post, keep them coming!

Anonymous said...

Same here! Wherever we can whenever we can!
The laundry room is a great place and the dryer drounds the sounds out lol!!

Linda H. said...

It's a weird and unnatural dichotomy our culture has set up. I applaud anyone who thumbs their nose at it.

It's funny that people are so attached to having sex only in bed, or sleeping next to the person they have sex with.

But you know what really gets me? When people say that they can't co-sleep because the husband is a light sleeper or scared of rolling on the baby or he has to get up early and would disturb everyone, or whatever, I say, well, give him his own bed/room then, and their excuse as to why that wouldn't work is that the (poor widdle grown) man would get too lonely, so clearly the only possible solution is to isolate the *child*! Jaw-dropping.

Rebekah Costello said...

Wow, Linda, excellent point! EXCELLENT. :)

Tiny Footprints said...

I guess that we are one of the few couples who rarely used a bed even BEFORE the kids were born. We certainly don't see the place as the problem when we are looking for a little private time. LOL Not to mention we can move that little sleeping rock over and have a little mama and papa time if we need to. For crying out loud there are cultures where the entire family LIVES in one open space and those people still have sex and even more babies every now and then.

Jasmine said...

I have actually brought up moving DD to her own bed a few times and my DH was not happy about the idea. Nor is he interested in having baby #2 not co-sleeping. I actually have more of a problem with it sometimes since I am the one who has a body touching me all night long. I love it most of the time, but like anything, there are times when it just gets to be too much. So yeah, anyone who thinks the husband is losing out on the deal has no idea what they are talking about.
As for sex, yeah, we do it wherever we can. Mostly on the couch in the basement once baby is asleep and it's "grown up time". haha.

Our Sentiments said...

e a big enough bed to co-sleep all of us. So we pushed two double beds together, duct taped to metal frames together. The taping helped to keep the beds from moving apart. So K2 and I sleep on one double and the bed hog, DH, sleeps on the other.

DH is known to ask if I will meet him on his bed, when K2 nurses to sleep. Most times we use other places.

I loved this post!

Jessica said...

I'm a single mom, so co-sleeping has never had any impact on my sex life at all. But, to be fair, for the first 21 months of his life, I had no sex life anyhow. Now I do have a serious boyfriend, and I spend the night at his house once a week. He comes over and visits us during the week sometimes, and we lay my son down to a nap on the couch if we feel like having some personal time. We did get walked in on the other day though, guess he woke up.

Anonymous said...

Great post! All of the above applies for us.
@LindaH - TRULY LMAO.

SoapingKelly said...

OMG! It's like you've been a fly on the wall here! Seriously, I was a little ambivalent about the scooting the kid over thing, but it works for us. Our little one is only 17 months old and usually sleeps right through as well. Unfortunately, our home is so small with 6 people living here in less than 1,000SF, that another room or even the sofa, is NOT an option. LOL Those are the nights of frustration for us both. Fortunately, my husband is in agreement with me that this time won't last forever and we should suck it up and enjoy our tiny peeps while we can. We know it won't be long before they're talking back and refusing a hug from mom. Love this post! Love your blog!

Amanda said...

Well I am a sex goddess should have seen me last night. lol We have a 3 & 5 yr old who fall asleep in their own beds (almost every night) then end up in our bed every night at some point. There is very few nights where they sleep all night in their own beds.

There are many places to have sex in ones home. We have bathroom dates alot of mornings. We are parents but it doesn't mean we aren't spouses/lovers too.

I think society is so damn confused on the natural order of everything. If you lived in a hut would you leave your little baby sleeping outside so the animals could come grab it so you could get your funk on? No we are meant to sleep w/ our young. Animals sleep with their young.

BTW My husband started our co-sleeping. When we brought our 1st home I was nursing on demand w/ her not really sleeping in her little bed next to us. One night 2 wks in me w/o a wink of sleep my handsome hubby said just bring her to bed. That was that. We have been co-sleeping ever since. Does he regret it? Never! He loves the loves. He is also the popular one in bed they both want to snuggle up to him all night.

Anonymous said...

During times of total desperation, we had sex *while* I was nursing.
Now before you call me weird or creepy, it was only when the little one was less than a year old. Once she became more aware and curious, we waited until I could extract a boob from her mouth and scoot her over.

lafemmedesfemme said...

my husband's work schedule is more of a sex-deterrent than co-sleeping is. we're actually 2 for 2 for conceiving children on the couch, anyway! LOL! even though before kids we didn't limit ourselves to the bed for sex, after kids, i actually started *missing* having sex in our bed. there is something to be said for doing the deed, cuddling up, and going right to sleep afterwards. our kids are 5 and almost-3 now and sleep in their own room for at least part of the night, so we get to have sex in our bed much more often now than we ever have since we started having kids, which is nice. but we still use the couch or the spare bed as needed! :-)

Alexa said...

LOL loved this. I'm a single mom but I can still fun with bf. We'd just wait till girly goes to sleep and then do it on the floor or in the kitchen or something. I've expected to have to stop in the middle to nurse her back to sleep but she always sleeps through. Maybe she knows mommy needs a little adult time. lol :) I've read annoying articles about couples wanting to kick their kids out of bed to get alone time. It's not necessary and hello they will only be little a short time! Enjoy it.

mamachrista said...

I couldn't get on board with having sex with the baby in the bed..and I know my husband would really freak out about it, but we coslept and usually just did it in other parts of the house. Living room was room of choice because we have a pretty small bathroom in our apartment and it's not comfortable. He's 6'5 and I'm 5'6. Once, after a date night, we just did it in the back of my fake-SUV (a crossover) lol.

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