Sunday, February 28, 2010
"Holy crap am I glad I'm having an abortion"
12:53 PM
(Trigger alert: child loss mentioned)
Angie Jackson, 27, is live tweeting her experience as she takes the abortion pill, RU-486.
I'm sure many of you have now seen the story about a mom who tweeted about the abortion of her second child (although she does not consider it to be a child).
Of course, this has sparked a raging debate. She's being called everything from a monster to a god.
She claims to have a medical reason for aborting, and that NOT doing it would kill her, though I can't seem to find a specific statement about what that condition is.
In any case, it saddens me that a woman who already has one precious child is taking such a tragedy so lightly. She claims to be tweeting it for "educational" purposes.
If there was ever a case of TMI, this is it for me.
"Cramps are getting a bit more persistent,"
Really? Thanks, why do we need to know that? Why the disrespect for life? Oh yes, she doesn't believe this to be a life at all. That's a whole other debate.
"But yeah I'm having an abortion right now. It's not that bad, it's not that scary, it's basically like a miscarriage."
So now having a miscarriage is not bad or scary? I'm sure a lot of people would beg to differ.
She also says "Definitely bleeding now," and 'I'm so fucking wiped. Having trouble sleeping obviously. Just took 2 more ibuprofin. Started bleeding a LOT more today"
I could wrap my head around this a bit easier if she was coming from the perspective of "I HAVE to have an abortion, and I'm here to let you all know that it really sucks and not to take such a thing lightly"
But no... All I see here is coldness. Like her message is basically 'Meh, no worries if you ever wanna get one, it's not bad at all'. Whether a person believes a fetus is a "real life" or not, can one not even friggin PRETEND to care that it sucks a little bit?! Even if it is only "potential" life to her, can she not at least muster a little dignity and discretion? Can you imagine someone tweeting their miscarriage in such a manner? Any loss of life is a tragedy to me.
I know that not everyone believes that a fetus is a life, but even for those people, do the following quotes (straight from her personal blog) not strike you as shockingly cold and immature? Maybe it's just me?
(emphasis mine) "I can't wait to get it over with and get back to being the writer, speaker, activist, silly, fun, girlfriend, mom I'd like to be, instead of the pissed off incubator I currently am. This is not a child; this is a squatter which could potentially become a child. Or kill me. Maybe even both. None of those are outcomes I'm frankly interested in.
This may sound... cold? At the moment, it's hard to care what anyone else thinks. I know this is the right thing to do in this circumstance, and I won't be regretting this later. I love my son & I'm glad I have him. When I was pregnant before, I *felt* like I was carrying a baby, the little boy I had always wanted. Right now I feel like I have a tapeworm or some kind of horrible infection. Maybe the hormones aren't working right yet or maybe I'm practical.
Whatever last minute doubts I may have had were squashed by spending yesterday in a crowded room (church auditorium, actually) with 600 special needs children, during my son's school field trip. Holy crap, am I glad I'm getting an abortion!"
Wow... just... wow.
I don't intend for this to be a pro-life vs. pro-choice debate. There certainly is a lot of that going on in other locations already. The thing that gets me with this situation is just her attitude about it all. If she doesn't feel bad about it, whatever, but must the entire world know the intimate details about how the "fetus" was "terminated" and that she doesn't give even a tiny crap about it?
Friday, February 26, 2010
"Why I can't use a car seat"
"Don't judge me, this is my CHOICE!"
-Author Unknown-
"I refuse to feel guilty for making an educated choice to not put my
baby in a car seat. There are so many militant car seat users in our society
and I am tired of them pushing their beliefs on me. There are lots of
reasons I have made this choice.
First of all, I want my husband to be able to
drive him around in his car. He can just sit him on his lap when they go for a
ride. This will help him bond and be closer with our son. I don't
want to be the only one that drives him around. It makes my husband, mother and
friends feel special when they can take him for rides. I will be returning to work in 6 weeks and I don't want a big old car seat in the back of our luxury car. I
never put my first son in a car seat and he is just fine. I was never in a car
seat, neither was my mother and we are both as healthy as can be. On the other
hand, my sister in law's cousin used a car seat and her child was seriously
injured in a car wreck. My aunt tried to use a car seat and wasn't able to.
She was never able to latch the baby in the seat properly. In fact, my car
is too small for a car seat anyway.
What matters most is that my baby is healthy and happy. When I left the hospital, they told me that I should try to use the car
seat, but if it didn't work out that it was all right to not use it. In
fact, in the diaper bag that I received from the hospital, it has some
information for how to safely ride in the car with my son without a car
seat. I tried for 1 week to use a car seat with my first son and it made
both of us miserable. I told my pediatrician about it, and he said it
would probably be best to not use a car seat anymore. Now he is happy and
content sitting on my lap as we drive.
Using a car seat is just so inconvenient! My privacy is also an issue. Do I want everyone to know when they see my car that I have a child??? Besides, my children need to learn how to ride in the car without being in the car seat. I don't want a 3 year old still
wanting to get in his seat! I know that using a car seat has some benefits, but
there are a lot of people out there who don't use them and their kids
are just fine! There are people out there that cannot use a car seat (can't
latch baby in properly, car is too small, doesn't match with the
interior). Using a car seat is a personal choice and nobody's business. As a
parent I have made the decision for what is best for my child. It works best
for us and our child.....and that is all that is important. It's my choice
after all, isn't it??"
In case you missed it, this is a satire about breastfeeding, and I am not the Author :-P
Not breastfeeding poses risks, just as driving without baby in a car seat poses risks. One, we're willing to make and accept all sorts of excuses about, even if they're stupid, the other is a risk no one (sane) would dream of taking. Hmmm...
Yeah, yeah, yeah "Some people CAN'T breastfeed", "Who are you to judge?", blah blah blah. Say what you will, there are some points raised here worth thinking about and discussing.
Sure, if your kid is in a full body cast or something, you "can't" put them in a car seat. But if you could, you would, right? You wouldn't make lame excuses, because safety comes first. There are some things we can't keep our children safe from, and some risks we can only partially protect against. When you DO have a chance to avoid putting a child at needless risk, don't you take it?
Using a car seat isn't "best", it is normal. Anything else carries increased risk to the child. The same applies to infant feeding. Breastfeeding isn't "best", it is normal. Anything else carries increased risk to the child. A child riding without a car seat may be "fine", but not all are, and the worst may be yet to come. Again, the same can be said about infant feeding. "Fine" may be temporary, and you won't know until it is too late.
To go with the analogy, this isn't about "you fail as a mom for not using car seats". This is about "Whenever possible, baby needs to be in a car seat". We can help other moms who are struggling, learn to properly use their "car seats", to have faith in them, to overcome the difficulties, and to care about safety above vanity and convenience. Then they'll never have to think "If only I had used a car seat..."
*Risks of artificial feeding*
*What every parent should know about formula*
*The risks and disadvantages of formula feeding*
http://infant-toddler-health.suite101.com/article.cfm/the_risks_and_disadvantages_of_formula_feeding
*101 Reasons to Breastfeed*
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Intact: Bigger, longer, and uncut.
When I was 8 years old, my baby brother was born. At some point soon after his birth, someone either told me, or I overheard, that he was going to be circumcised. I also remember hearing something along the lines of "It's just a little piece of extra skin over the very tip". In my young mind, I concocted this mental image of a minuscule piece of skin, just big enough to cover the pee hole, somehow just dangling there for no reason. I pictured it being only partially attached, like a little trap door that would open to let pee out. What an odd mental image, but "little piece of skin over the very tip" doesn't describe foreskin nearly well enough for me to have understood without seeing.
I remember the day of his circumcision. My mother had to take me with them to the doctor's office, because my grandmother couldn't babysit me that day. We heard my brother's screams, like nothing I've heard in my life, from across the building, and my mother bawled.
As I grew older, and had "sex ed" classes in school, foreskin was never even brought up. Their diagrams listed every little part of the inner and outer male sexual anatomy and their functions, but foreskin was nowhere to be seen. I didn't even remember that foreskin existed at that point in my life. The world had washed it from my memory.
It wasn't until I was pregnant with our second child that I began to have any clue as to what foreskin is. We didn't know the gender of the baby, and someone mentioned that their insurance didn't cover circumcision so we'd better save up to get it done. It was then that I finally thought "Oh, do we have to? Why?"
"Why?" is my favorite question.
It really is true what they say: The more you know about circumcision, the worse it is. Within 5 minutes of reading about it, I was horrified, and everything I learned after that just solidified it. I tried picturing my beloved daughter strapped down with a scalpel coming at her genitals, and I nearly vomited. How would having a boy make such a thing any less horrific and wrong?
My husband was circumcised at around age 12, and to this day won't really talk about it. He told me that it was excruciatingly painful, and would hate for our child to "have to go through that at an age where they can remember it". Yes, yes, I know and have a million things I could say about that... he just doesn't get it. No matter what I tried to say to him about it, he was utterly unable to comprehend or listen. His pain still rages too loudly, and drowns out any reason. At any attempt to discuss, my big strong husband would become like a wounded little boy with his hands over his ears going "I can't hear you!!!". Not literally, but his tone and body language said it all. It was difficult for me, wanting desperately to protect our possible son, but not wanting my husband to think that I looked at HIM as mutilated or incomplete. I told him that I was ready to talk about it whenever he was, but I wouldn't take his pro-circ stance seriously until he knew everything about the issue that I do. I'd be ready with resources if he didn't want to have to dig. He never took me up on it.
I decided to wait and see IF our baby would be a boy before fighting any more. I couldn't picture our child as anything but a girl, so I thought maybe I was right and we could just skip further arguments. I hoped that if we did indeed have a son, my husband would find himself unable to let any harm come to him once he was here. If not, I'd simply refuse consent for circumcision, and tell my husband to bite me if he still didn't catch on.
When our baby was born and put in my arms, my husband said "It's a girl!" and I felt like I had always known that. One fight was avoided, but someday, I hope my husband can come to terms with his circumcision enough to really let down his guard and talk about it. I love him the way he is, but his obvious pain saddens me.
It also sickens me that, at least where I'm from, the foreskin is regarded with such disgust that it is abolished from so-called health and sex ed classes. It sickens me that I had to learn what foreskin and circumcision are once I was already a grown-ass woman. If I had not taken the initiative to figure it out for myself, I still would not know. Even once I began to learn, it was hard to truly grasp what foreskin really is and what happens to it as the penis becomes erect. What a unique part of the body it is! The only thing that can really explain it is a good educational video, or seeing it in real life if you are lucky enough! It certainly proved to be FAR different than I ever expected it to be. The foreskin amounts to about 15 (Yes, FIFTEEN!) square inches of skin on the adult penis, and it does not just "hang there". You can see a brief and educational description of that (here). It is truly amazing and tragic what males are being robbed of.
I wonder how many people out there have had their sons cut without even knowing what they were paying for.
For being "just a tiny flap of skin", people sure are scared of it.
In fact, people seem to have issues with penises in general. They claim that "bigger is better", but then reduce the size via circumcision and talk about how great that is!
Intact: Bigger, longer, and uncut.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Dear Babytalk
Please feel free to copy/paste my letter, or use it as a guideline for your own to send to Babytalk Magazine!
You can submit one here:
http://www.parenting.com/CustomerService/contactUs.jsp
or email them at letters@babytalk.com and include "backtalk" in the subject line.
(thank you for everyone that helped with resources!)
You can submit one here:
http://www.parenting.com/CustomerService/contactUs.jsp
or email them at letters@babytalk.com and include "backtalk" in the subject line.
(thank you for everyone that helped with resources!)
Dear Babytalk-
For the safety of baby boys with intact penises, I'd like to see a retraction of the information given on page 50 of the March issue of Babytalk. The instruction to "gently tug back his foreskin and cleanse thoroughly" is not proper care of an intact penis and will very likely cause damage! Parents should be educated about SAFE hygiene that isn't based on myths.
"There is so much misinformation regarding how to care for an intact penis of a boy. Many parents complain that their doctors are telling them to retract the foreskin to clean underneath when this is not true. We are not supposed to retract the foreskin of our sons, ONLY the owner of the penis should do it. The foreskin is naturally fused to the glans from birth until after puberty, all boys are different and they develop differently. Forcible retraction of the foreskin will cause pain, scarring and damage, and can become a problem later in life - which is the commonest cause of true phimosis."
This brochure has information about the consequences of forcible retraction: http://www.nocirc.org/publish/6pam.pdf
Page 2 of this one has straight-forward information about PROPER intact penis care (and the whole brochure is wonderfully informative in other ways too): http://www.nocirc.org/publish/4pam.pdf
Thank you for your time, and I hope you do right thing for the health of babies. I look forward to seeing the right information published, and only hope that not too many baby boys were damaged by this poor advice. To avoid future harm to children and possible legal action, please research these matters and verify sources prior to publishing.
Sincerely, Rachele B., a concerned parent and citizen
Sincerely, Rachele B., a concerned parent and citizen
Foreskin in the Bedroom: One Woman's Love Affair With an Intact Penis
A guest-post by Breezy Peterson
The first time my husband and I made love was almost exactly like every other couple’s first time; we were shy, intimidated by each other’s nakedness, but eager to explore what nature had given us. And just like most first times, it was over just about as quickly as it had begun.
It wasn’t until the third or fourth time that I realized there was something different about my then-boyfriend’s penis---he had EVERYTHING that nature had given him. This particular time, we were naked before he reached full erection, and his foreskin hadn’t disappeared yet. He saw my eyes go wide as I discovered this new (to me) part of him.
Born at home 20 years after male circumcision peaked in the United States, and 2 years before the American Academy of Pediatrics would once again endorse routine male circumcision, my lover was “intact”. He enjoyed my thorough exploration of his foreskin, which felt as soft as a kitten’s ear beneath my fingers.
Needless to say, it retracted before I was done investigating. From then on, he indulged my curiosity. My gentle probing soon became a kind of foreplay. Once, as I realized I had been fascinated by his foreskin for the better half of an hour, I pulled my hands away, convinced that my scrutiny had made him uncomfortable.
He put his hands on mine. He asked me not to stop. He said that my fascination with his foreskin made him feel beautiful.
I had known long before our relationship became intimate that my man was different. We had gone to the same middle school. There had been rumors that he was uncircumcised. As prepubescent tweens, my girl friends and I had no idea what uncircumcised meant, and so it became a mysterious and exotic condition that had us giggling.
During 8th grade sexual education, my future husband and I sat in the same room, glowing red with embarrassment as our P.E. teacher used a yard stick to point out nipples and ovaries and testicles and pubic hair. There was no mention of intact penises. All of the slides showed a congenial adult man with a circumcised member.
As high schoolers, little changed. My man was never embarrassed in the locker room or singled out in the showers by the schoolmates he had known since Kindergarten for being different.
His foreskin was not "extra baggage". He was just one of the guys.
The most thought they ever gave to it, as a collection of small-town-close-knit peers, was to beg him to do “the penny trick” that he had mastered during puberty.
To this day, when my husband drinks too much with old friends, they inevitably dig in their pockets for change and convince him to do it. With enough whisky in him, he will gleefully drop his pants, tuck the proffered coin into his foreskin, retract it, and fire the projectile at an unsuspecting target.
His nearest and dearest buddies still fondly call him “Penny”.
My husband's foreskin has been, since the beginning, a part of him that I fell instantly in love with. Just as I adore his heart thumping beneath my palm and the scratch of his stubble on my cheek, I love his foreskin.
He would be incomplete without it. It is as much a part of him as the freckles on his chest or the brown spot in his otherwise blue eyes. Without any of these things, he wouldn’t be the man that I devoted myself to, the man I will forever share my life with.
He is an intact man, and I am proud to be his lover, his best friend and his wife.
*Breezy is a stay-at-home mama to two beautiful little girls, one born in the San Francisco Bay Area and the other in South Carolina. She is also a proud Navy Wife, following her husband around the country, as well as a certifying Labor Doula. She spends much of her time providing prenatal education to expecting parents, but her ultimate joy is watching the amazing transformation of women during birth.*
Business Blog - www.journeysendlabordoula.com
Personal Blog - www.wumboing.blogspot.com
Email - journeysend.labordoula at yahoo.com
The first time my husband and I made love was almost exactly like every other couple’s first time; we were shy, intimidated by each other’s nakedness, but eager to explore what nature had given us. And just like most first times, it was over just about as quickly as it had begun.
It wasn’t until the third or fourth time that I realized there was something different about my then-boyfriend’s penis---he had EVERYTHING that nature had given him. This particular time, we were naked before he reached full erection, and his foreskin hadn’t disappeared yet. He saw my eyes go wide as I discovered this new (to me) part of him.
Born at home 20 years after male circumcision peaked in the United States, and 2 years before the American Academy of Pediatrics would once again endorse routine male circumcision, my lover was “intact”. He enjoyed my thorough exploration of his foreskin, which felt as soft as a kitten’s ear beneath my fingers.
Needless to say, it retracted before I was done investigating. From then on, he indulged my curiosity. My gentle probing soon became a kind of foreplay. Once, as I realized I had been fascinated by his foreskin for the better half of an hour, I pulled my hands away, convinced that my scrutiny had made him uncomfortable.
He put his hands on mine. He asked me not to stop. He said that my fascination with his foreskin made him feel beautiful.
I had known long before our relationship became intimate that my man was different. We had gone to the same middle school. There had been rumors that he was uncircumcised. As prepubescent tweens, my girl friends and I had no idea what uncircumcised meant, and so it became a mysterious and exotic condition that had us giggling.
During 8th grade sexual education, my future husband and I sat in the same room, glowing red with embarrassment as our P.E. teacher used a yard stick to point out nipples and ovaries and testicles and pubic hair. There was no mention of intact penises. All of the slides showed a congenial adult man with a circumcised member.
As high schoolers, little changed. My man was never embarrassed in the locker room or singled out in the showers by the schoolmates he had known since Kindergarten for being different.
His foreskin was not "extra baggage". He was just one of the guys.
The most thought they ever gave to it, as a collection of small-town-close-knit peers, was to beg him to do “the penny trick” that he had mastered during puberty.
To this day, when my husband drinks too much with old friends, they inevitably dig in their pockets for change and convince him to do it. With enough whisky in him, he will gleefully drop his pants, tuck the proffered coin into his foreskin, retract it, and fire the projectile at an unsuspecting target.
His nearest and dearest buddies still fondly call him “Penny”.
My husband's foreskin has been, since the beginning, a part of him that I fell instantly in love with. Just as I adore his heart thumping beneath my palm and the scratch of his stubble on my cheek, I love his foreskin.
He would be incomplete without it. It is as much a part of him as the freckles on his chest or the brown spot in his otherwise blue eyes. Without any of these things, he wouldn’t be the man that I devoted myself to, the man I will forever share my life with.
He is an intact man, and I am proud to be his lover, his best friend and his wife.
*Breezy is a stay-at-home mama to two beautiful little girls, one born in the San Francisco Bay Area and the other in South Carolina. She is also a proud Navy Wife, following her husband around the country, as well as a certifying Labor Doula. She spends much of her time providing prenatal education to expecting parents, but her ultimate joy is watching the amazing transformation of women during birth.*
Business Blog - www.journeysendlabordoula.com
Personal Blog - www.wumboing.blogspot.com
Email - journeysend.labordoula at yahoo.com
The Case For Female Circumcision
I'm warning you now, if you comment on this post before reading the WHOLE thing, you WILL look like an ass. Just sayin'.
People have so many compelling arguments for male circumcision, that I can't help but wonder why girls can't enjoy the same benefits! I'm not talking about sewing up the vagina or removing the clitoris or anything, but a little snip-snip could surely tidy things up!
If removing the foreskin of a boy helps keep his penis cleaner, then taking out the inner labia and clitoral hood could really do the same for girls! Girls have so much more to wash than boys do anyway, and we get way more infections. If less skin on a boy equals less infections, then it must work for girls too! Those little bits of skin don't have much feeling anyway. It would make diaper changes and baths so much easier. So much less space to get all gooey and dirty, now and for the rest of her life.
People see all that extra skin on a boy's penis, and say it looks gross. Well why don't girls get to have their extra skin tidied up?! Surely it would look much better, and I bet her future husband would appreciate how much nicer looking and cleaner it would be too. They could both enjoy oral sex without all the gunk that gets caught in the folds! Girls can get pretty smelly down there too, so why not help out with that?
A lot of parents worry about their sons looking different in the locker rooms, or different from their fathers. What if my daughter's labia is different than her friends or mine? That would be traumatizing to a girl too, I don't want her to be freaked out and made fun of! If we get all women and girls circumcised, then we can all look the same and not worry about it anymore.
AIDS and cancer are so prevalent these days, we really need to protect our kids in every way that we can. Removing extra skin on a boy helps these things, so why not try the same for girls! Why would it work for one and not the other? It would be SO worth it. You can't get cancer on a part of the body you don't have!
My husband was with a woman once who had long inner labia, and he said it was SO gross looking and smelling, and she got infections all the time. I would hate for my daughters to grow up and experience that embarrassment. I would be doing them SUCH a favor by doing it now when they can't feel it, rather than them having all this trouble later in life and having to get trimmed! My girls would really hate me if the knew I could have prevented such a thing, and didn't take the chance. I know my girls would really thank me for making their lives so much easier, and giving them a nice clean look down there too.
There are so many benefits for circumcision, why shouldn't it be the same for girls too? Why are they left out? Boys and girls should be equal. I am the parent, and if I think it would be good for my child, I should have the right to do it! People might judge me, but so what? If I'm doing what is best for my kids, then other people can just screw off!
Why didn't anyone think of this before?! I am a mutha effin GENIUS!!!
NOT.
You didn't think I was that big of a dunce did you?
Seriously now, NONE of the above reasons would be good enough for a parent to allow a knife to be taken to their daughter's genitals in ANY way. Why are these same excuses allowed to pass as justification of male circumcision? As far as we have supposedly come in this society, why is this sexism and mutilation still tolerated? Why aren't more women going all mama bear on people's asses for this?! Why aren't more men standing up and demanding the rights and protection they and their sons deserve?! The public would be in an absolute uproar if a parent wanted to so much as put a paper cut in their daughter's pants! Why do baby boys have less rights? Why are they considered to be lesser beings? There should be NO gender specification on genital mutilation. Either it is wrong for ALL people, or it is okay for all people (and God help us if you agree with the latter). If a girl grows up and wants to have her genitals cosmetically altered, it can be her choice then, in adulthood, when she can make an informed decision for herself. A parent shouldn't have the right to make that choice for her, something that can't be undone, and the same should be true for boys.
You can say the penis is "dirty". I say if that is true, then the vulva is far more so, but we don't go cutting those up. Shall we remove the anus too? That sure is dirty!
You say the foreskin may become diseased or infected, so it should be removed. Let's apply this "logic" to other parts of the body. Shall we remove all girl's breasts because they MIGHT have a problem? Shall we pull all teeth because they might get cavities? Our skin can get cancer, better do away with that! Oh, and heart disease, take that thing right out! Dang ears and all those infections, just get rid of them. ANY part of the human body can have a problem, but we don't go removing them when they are perfectly fine. IF a problem arises, we treat it then, and we treat it reasonably. Amputation is a last resort when all else has failed. If we removed at birth every part of the body that might have an issue at some point in one's life, we would have no baby left.
You say an intact penis is ugly. I say you're a pervert for looking at your perfect little son that way, and having such a strong reaction that you'd want to hack him up just to please yourself. And once again, if a parent found their girl's genitals so ugly that they wanted to have them cut, they'd be thrown in prison, so it shouldn't be okay for a parent to do to their son.
You say it might prevent STDs. I say that is what condoms and responsible sex are for, and we wouldn't cut girls to reduce their risk. We'd tell them to be smart about choosing partners and protection. Boys are just as capable of those things.
You may have a ton of other reasons for cutting a boy, but none of them would hold water if the child in question were a girl, so that would either make you a raging sexist, or a moron. Perhaps both.
If you've just never THOUGHT about circumcision, I encourage you to. Many people are still uneducated about the realities of male genital mutilation masquerading as a "simple and beneficial medical procedure". I ask you to open your mind to learning and considering that what you may think you know now could be mythical. More and more parents are becoming educated, and circumcision rates have plummeted to 50% nationwide (USA), and they continue to drop! You can find out what they know that you may not. Learn before you decide. You son will THANK you someday.
An excellent resource that will answer any questions you may have:
As for female circumcision vs. male, YES they are comparable. Some forms are extreme, but they were not discussed here. Other forms are equal or even less severe than male circumcision. Regardless of severity, they are ALL wrong, female AND male. No need to even specify a gender. Genital mutilation is genital mutilation.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Save a penis!!!
The following horrors do NOT have to continue to happen. There's something SIMPLE you can do to HELP! Read on...
"I regret circumcising my son. I didn't do enough research, my gut told me not to do it, but I chalked it up to being a new mom and stuffed it away. Anyway, what's done is done and he's 2 1/2 now. We have had reoccurring issues with penile adhesions. Where the skin on his shaft sticks to the glans. His pediatrician RIPPED the skin apart and back to "normal" at his 12 month appointment and again at 18 months, while my poor baby screamed. I've tried to pull the skin back for him after a bath, gently, but he cried, and I cry and feel like the most terrible mother. I feel like I'm being punished for doing it. DH is no help, (I love him, I really do). I told him I was afraid he would be afraid to touch his own penis and DH told me not to worry. Gee, thanks.
I know I have to forgive myself for making what I believe was the wrong decision for my own child's well-being. And now I have a daily reminder of it when I change his diaper and see that he has this adhesion. Over my dead body is someone taking another knife to my sons penis!" -Andrea, a mother
I know I have to forgive myself for making what I believe was the wrong decision for my own child's well-being. And now I have a daily reminder of it when I change his diaper and see that he has this adhesion. Over my dead body is someone taking another knife to my sons penis!" -Andrea, a mother
"Circumcision for me has been a whirl of mixed emotions, over all of them I can assure that none of them are good. When I have to think about my circumcision I have to face a hard fact, I have been altered, and in a very personal way at that. I am reminded that as a baby boy being born as was, was just not good enough. Most people I have encountered don't tend to think circumcision can cut so deep, but it is a cut with much depth to it." -Adam, a circumcised man
There are countless parents who regret circumcising their son(s). They didn't understand it prior to having it done, and only when it is too late do they see the emotional and physical damage that has been done. Andrea, the mother quoted above, is FAR from alone. There have been wall threads on my facebook fan page with numerous mothers like her who have suffered from seeing their sons suffer. I've even written an entire post in the past dedicated to stories of circumcision remorse (here). There are also countless men like Adam who struggle with the lifelong physical and emotional toll of being incomplete (you can read Adam's whole story HERE) There are webpages and forums dedicated to helping men cope and sometimes even "restore" their foreskin partially. It is sad that there is a need for such a thing and that they can never enjoy their full body in the way it was designed, along their full range of sensation and function.
In SO many cases, parents say "If only I had known better..." Those who know better, DO better! The trouble is that there is a misconception that circumcision is done by "everyone", it is "normal", and it is "good" for the child. Many parents don't even think twice about it, or they do but then fear or are told that their gut feeling is wrong and go with circumcision anyway. Maybe no one is there to tell these parents that circumcision is NOT common, normal, or healthy. Maybe they wonder about it, but don't know where to turn and who to trust for information. Doctors may often make their decisions based on money and/or outdated information, and finding the right information on the internet can be a daunting task, or even impossible for those that don't have it. Only once it is too late do these unfortunate parents begin to realize, see, and feel the consequences and impact on their child.
What can we do to PREVENT all of this from happening?
Today is our opportunity to help make a difference! Danelle from the Peaceful Parenting blog is doing something that will change the lives of parents and baby boys! She has put together informational packets with pamphlets and a DVD that will educate parents about circumcision. She offers them to anyone who asks, even if they are unable to cover the $10+ that it costs her to put together and send out. She has already seen great success with parents thanking her for the information and choosing to keep their sons intact. This information is SO valuable to parents that need to know the truth about circumcision BEFORE they make a decision that can't be taken back. This information could save a precious baby boy's penis from being severely altered without his consent, AND his parents' hearts from the agony of realizing they've done something so wrong when it is too late. YOU can help this information get into more hands!
You can use the button above to donate to her circumcision info packet fund with paypal, a credit card, or bank account. I LOVE that she is doing this great and life-changing work, and I hope we can help out so she doesn't have to keep footing the bill for this project. With 2-5 thousand blog views a day, I KNOW we could really do something great here, even if everyone only donated ONE dollar! Think about the lifetime of impact that just a little bit of money could have. Skip a coffee, save a penis! You can help a parent learn, so they can know better and DO better, and their son can grow up healthy and whole! A little bit of effort, put forth by a LOT of people can have an amazing impact.
You can use the button above to donate to her circumcision info packet fund with paypal, a credit card, or bank account. I LOVE that she is doing this great and life-changing work, and I hope we can help out so she doesn't have to keep footing the bill for this project. With 2-5 thousand blog views a day, I KNOW we could really do something great here, even if everyone only donated ONE dollar! Think about the lifetime of impact that just a little bit of money could have. Skip a coffee, save a penis! You can help a parent learn, so they can know better and DO better, and their son can grow up healthy and whole! A little bit of effort, put forth by a LOT of people can have an amazing impact.
If you can't make a donation, or even if you can, Danelle's site is an incredibly valuable resource. She has an excellent post here on being fully informed about circumcision, and she has TONS of resources: http://www.drmomma.org/2010/01/are-you-fully-informed.html
You can bookmark her site for future reference, and pass on the information to other parents who may be expecting a son and need to know about circumcision.
If we help even ONE child stay whole, something great will be accomplished, but I hope that we can do even better than that here! So pass this along on facebook, forums, twitter, anywhere, to help spread the word!
Danelle has no idea that I'm posting this, and she's working SO hard to help the parents and children of this world, so let's enjoy surprising her with love and help!
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thank you for being Childfree
The other day, I came across a link called "10 Scary Childbirth Facts That’ll Alarm You More Than Your Biological Clock". What a gem that was! If your head is feeling crowded and you need to leak some brains out, I recommend reading it! Then today, I came across this Momversation.com video called "Childfree by Choice", where some "mommy bloggers" discuss the issue. You know, after reading/watching those things I have to say to some of the people out there, THANK YOU for choosing to be child free. I am sure (or at least hopeful) that not everyone in the "childfree by choice" portion of society is not as ridiculous and stupid as what I have come across, but for those who are, I'm GLAD they aren't breeding. Hell, I've been saying for ages that stupid people shouldn't breed. At least there are some people smart enough to acknowledge that they are too stupid to breed (that makes sense, I swear)!
"I’m 99% sure when I do maybe eventually have a kid (emphasis on maybe) I’m going to have a planned c-section. I’d prefer a scar on my bikini line than scars on my vag, thanks. I don’t feel the need to have “the experience” of childbirth, no need at all."
You MEAN you'd rather put yourself and your baby at much greater risk, have major surgery with a guaranteed scar on your bikini line, your muscles, AND your uterus, spend weeks recovering, and possibly have a lifetime of weird and unpleasant after-effects just to avoid the small possibility of having a scar on your perineum? Where is my forehead-sized "IDIOT" stamp? I truly hope you are infertile.
"This is why I’m so thankful that I’m only 16. I’m giving myself another fifteen years (at least) before I have kids, and thats fifteen years to let technology develop to maybe make it just a bit easier on me"
I'll give you a break since you're only 16, but what do you expect to happen technology-wise that could possibly make it "easier"? Perhaps we'll learn how to beam babies out of the uterus all Star Trek style! Yeah, that's it.
"I see a child as a curse and a detriment to the whole planet."
Wow, what a pleasant human being you are! You realize that YOU used to be a child right? It certainly is a good thing you don't WANT to procreate, but I hope that no one is stupid enough to sleep with you and risk an accidental "curse". I like how another commenter responded to this gem: "So if we already have too many people for this planet, how about you be the first to help out with this dilemma?". Haha! indeed.
"Im terrified to have kids. I weighed 13 lbs when I was born and my mom was in labor for 2 days :( also, she never fails to remind me that she had to have 60 stitches from her episiotomy/ being ripped down there. So, Im not really in much of a hurry to pop out a little guy or gal, and Ill prolly go for a c section too…. Besides the fact that you recover waaaaaay faster from a c section than from a vaginal birth."
-headdesk- I... wow. Not even sure where to start with that one, but again, thank you for not breeding.
"GOD, having a stretched out vag scares the crap out of me. Yeah, some people’s go back to normal, but hell…what if mine doesn’t? This thought will be terrorizing me waaay after my kid is born"
Better not ever open your mouth either. Might stretch out and stay that way, right? You'll be doing this world a big favor if you keep your yap AND your legs shut.
"Personally I don’t want kids. I don’t want to ruin my body and put my relationship on hold for 18 years to take care of a brat. I also absolutely despise kids; screaming babies make me feel very, very violent. I’m just not a mother person."
First of all, my body is not "ruined" and neither is anyone else's. If YOU have a problem with the way your post-partum body looks, do something about it, or heaven forbid- get over it and learn to love the new you. As far as relationships go, they are hardly "put on hold" when you have a child. Unless you're a stupid, selfish little brat yourself, parenting can bond a couple with unique experiences, the shared special love for your child, and even build your relationship stronger through overcoming challenges. But ya know, I don't expect any of that to make sense to a person like you. Thank you for not breeding. May I suggest a therapist for those violent feelings?
I will spare my lovely readers from any more of this insanity. I was hoping to do more exploring of the Child Free online world, but this crap just makes my head hurt too much.
If you don't want to have a child, that is friggin grand. I respect those that simply know themselves well enough to realize that parenting isn't for them. There are plenty of people in this world that should acknowledge that fact about themselves BEFORE they spawn, but alas. I'm not saying that all child-free people are like the above examples, it's just disturbing that apparently many of those that choose to speak out about it online don't even have two brain cells to rub together.
I respect the choice to be child-free, but don't spew mis-information and mis-perceptions about pregnancy, birth, and parenting in general. Just own your choice and be happy with it. No need to put down children (you WERE one) or parents (you have/had some). Parenting is hard, and yes, sometimes just plain gross, but at the end of the day, it is infinitely more awesome than it is hard or gross. If you don't have the mental and emotional capacity to understand that, then I actually feel kinda sorry for you. If you don't want to go through the hard stuff so that you can experience the good stuff, that's fine with me, but don't act like the rest of us are crazy for actually appreciating the process and the gift of human life despite the challenges that go with it. Maybe your mother bugs you about having children, but I think it's safe to say that most of the world doesn't give a shit whether you do or not, so just relax and enjoy your life, childfree or not.
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