Sunday, February 28, 2010

"Holy crap am I glad I'm having an abortion"

(Trigger alert: child loss mentioned)

Angie Jackson, 27, is live tweeting her experience as she takes the abortion pill, RU-486.

I'm sure many of you have now seen the story about a mom who tweeted about the abortion of her second child (although she does not consider it to be a child).

Of course, this has sparked a raging debate.  She's being called everything from a monster to a god.

She claims to have a medical reason for aborting, and that NOT doing it would kill her, though I can't seem to find a specific statement about what that condition is.

In any case, it saddens me that a woman who already has one precious child is taking such a tragedy so lightly.  She claims to be tweeting it for "educational" purposes.  

If there was ever a case of TMI, this is it for me.  

"Cramps are getting a bit more persistent," 

Really?  Thanks, why do we need to know that?  Why the disrespect for life?  Oh yes, she doesn't believe this to be a life at all.  That's a whole other debate.  

"But yeah I'm having an abortion right now. It's not that bad, it's not that scary, it's basically like a miscarriage."  

So now having a miscarriage is not bad or scary?  I'm sure a lot of people would beg to differ.

She also says "Definitely bleeding now," and 'I'm so fucking wiped. Having trouble sleeping obviously. Just took 2 more ibuprofin. Started bleeding a LOT more today"

I could wrap my head around this a bit easier if she was coming from the perspective of "I HAVE to have an abortion, and I'm here to let you all know that it really sucks and not to take such a thing lightly"

But no... All I see here is coldness.  Like her message is basically 'Meh, no worries if you ever wanna get one, it's not bad at all'.  Whether a person believes a fetus is a "real life" or not, can one not even friggin PRETEND to care that it sucks a little bit?!  Even if it is only "potential" life to her, can she not at least muster a little dignity and discretion?  Can you imagine someone tweeting their miscarriage in such a manner?  Any loss of life is a tragedy to me.

I know that not everyone believes that a fetus is a life, but even for those people, do the following quotes (straight from her personal blog) not strike you as shockingly cold and immature?  Maybe it's just me?

(emphasis mine) "I can't wait to get it over with and get back to being the writer, speaker, activist, silly, fun, girlfriend, mom I'd like to be, instead of the pissed off incubator I currently am. This is not a child; this is a squatter which could potentially become a child. Or kill me. Maybe even both. None of those are outcomes I'm frankly interested in.

This may sound... cold? At the moment, it's hard to care what anyone else thinks. I know this is the right thing to do in this circumstance, and I won't be regretting this later. I love my son & I'm glad I have him. When I was pregnant before, I *felt* like I was carrying a baby, the little boy I had always wanted. Right now I feel like I have a tapeworm or some kind of horrible infection. Maybe the hormones aren't working right yet or maybe I'm practical.

Whatever last minute doubts I may have had were squashed by spending yesterday in a crowded room (church auditorium, actually) with 600 special needs children, during my son's school field trip. Holy crap, am I glad I'm getting an abortion!"

Wow... just... wow.

I don't intend for this to be a pro-life vs. pro-choice debate.  There certainly is a lot of that going on in other locations already.  The thing that gets me with this situation is just her attitude about it all.  If she doesn't feel bad about it, whatever, but must the entire world know the intimate details about how the "fetus" was "terminated" and that she doesn't give even a tiny crap about it?


Jessica said...

This is very disturbing. I've never known anyone to enter into the decision to terminate a pregnancy so... glib? The responsibility either way is huge and some respect involved. Maybe this just a facade? When I agreed to a therapeutic termination of a pregnancy even though my doctor had me convinced I was going to die if I didn't do it I agonized over the decision and ended up changing my mind at the last minute and did not go through with it, that baby is now almost 7 years old. The attitudes she exhibits are immature and disturbing. I find the whole comparison about being excited about her first baby and angry and bitter AT this baby to be confusing. Does she not realize that neither her son or this fetus she is aborting asked to be formed? This fetus didn't DO anything. She did. My political views aside, a woman can do what she wants with her body but she must do so with an understanding of her actions and deep consideration as to the implications of her actions. I feel sorry for the living child she has.

Amber said...

hmmm. honestly I'm not too sure what to think of her, or her tweets. Maybe she is trying to educate people on her experience, have them make better choices.... maybe she is making the whole thing up. you never truly know, this IS the internet after all. either way, with her attitude, maybe its not such a bad thing she didnt want another child. she seems awfully selfish. freedom of speech right? if we dont like it, we dont have to read it. plus not everyone can be as cool as us...

Katie said...

I have been a bit out of the loop and this is the first I've heard or seen anything about this and I must say that I am VERY disturbed and shocked that someone could be so cold!! I am at a loss of words on how to reply. Wow...just wow!!

Lilly Rose said...

Does she think her son will never go online? Never google his family (like most of us do) and read all of this?

What a warm mother he has, talking so lovingly about the sibling he will never meet.

The rest of my family is pro-choice, I'm only pro-choice politically. I'd never forgive my mother if she'd posted something like that. But then, she wanted to abort me and it was only a twist of fate that I'm alive. I have friends and family who've had abortions and they never talk so coldly about that, it's totally different.

And the disabled kids... it's like she feels like they shouldn't be alive...


Diana J. said...

That is seriously, seriously, sick. Blech.

Rebekah Costello said...

I really don't know. She obviously has some kind of medical problem as she's concerned that being pregnant could make her very sick, not only that, she has a special needs child and obviously feels as though it's likely her next child would be, also.

When I was first pregnant with my son (very much an OOPS pregnancy) I did not feel much like I was carrying anything but a burden. I'm anti-abortion myself, so don't get me wrong, but it took me WEEKS to embrace and accept what was happening. She may just be coping by distancing herself from the feeling of it all or maybe she's just being honest.

It certainly makes me uncomfortable and I agree with your sentiment that the loss of life is sad and should be treated with dignity and respect. At the same time, I just don't see enough personal information there to make a judgment about *her* as a person. I'm sorry for that little baby and I'm sorry she feels that this is the best choice for her (or it really could be, again, I don't know what her medical condition is).

Anonymous said...

I feel sick after reading her words. Especially since shes already had a child and knows what beauty comes from life. or maybe shes just dragging that child through life with her, and isnt much of a mother. in that case i cant help but think rest in peace you poor child i hope this woman (and others like her) gets sterilized asap. leave the mothering to us mothers out there

Sherwood said...

hysterectomy- if children are such a burden, don't make them and then kill them. Think of all the poor families out there who are dying to have a baby spending $100,000's TTC or those who want desperately to adopt, this is a slap in the face to those people who what so badly what she is heartlessly throwing away.

Molly said...

This is the first blog entry of your that I have disagreed with.

Baby Girl Williams/Morse said...

A few things come to mind for me when I read this and am of two minds when I do. Let me preface by saying that I don't tweet, and have been almost completely out of the news loop this week because of family stuff (all good!) Plus, I'm reading a bit of her blog to try to get somewhat of a bead on her.

First, from reading what was posted here of her blog, this young woman sounds exceedingly angry, just in general. This is reinforced by reading a portion of her blog. It appears that she has some right to be angry (not for this specifically, though).

She claims (I tend to believe her, but as another commenter stated, this IS the internet) that she already has a special needs child. It appears that her biggest concern is being the mother of two special needs children, and that she doesn't feel capable of being that. She also stated that her birth control failed, though she doesn't say what type she was using (unless I simply haven't read far enough).

My thoughts on the above are this; she appears to understand herself and her own mental, emotional, physical capabilities and limitations. It appears that she made reasonable attempts to prevent pregnancy. When those attempts failed, she made a decision to abort. To me, I believe this is a reasonable response to her specific set of circumstances, experiences and expectations for her life and the life of her son.

I personally find no fault in her decision to seek an abortion. Legally, we are within our rights to do so in this country, and since she was only about 4 weeks into the pregnancy, well within most reasonable time limits for a first trimester abortion.

That said, while I'm very strongly a pro-choice proponent, I personally believe that life begins at conception (if you want to get really picky, the individual cells of egg and sperm are already alive, just not together to create a NEW person). Am I a bit schizophrenic about this whole situation? Yes, but it works for me. Unless she has medical information that she isn't providing to the public, this woman is assuming that the child she just aborted would have been special needs and is making her decisions off that assumption. If this is a case of not feeling capable of being a good enough mother to one special needs child and one normal child, however she would end up dividing up her time, she doesn't say that. That would still be, in my opinion, a reasonable decision.

However, as with many of you, I find the fact that she tweeted this entire procedure in the poorest of poor taste. There are different ways to educate people and many of them are already on line, provided through a variety of reputable medical websites. Though if her intent was education, she certainly has received enough media attention to get her own message out. I think she was naive, as she has already admitted to, and probably engaging in some extreme attention seeking behavior.

I am pretty amazed that she posted these things to the world. Though, what does come to mind for me is this; if she was so hell bent on this procedure, perhaps this child is in a better place now, and never will have to suffer the horrors of life that might have been theirs with this woman as their mother.


Alyssa G said...

I had to reply to this. We all mourn differently, we all go through things differently. Who are any of you to judge her way of going through it? I really pissed a LOT of people off by blogging about my miscarriage the way I did (it was missed so in my opinion, it WASN'T a life)
I even GASP! joked about wanting to continue breastfeeding my son so much I "made" the miscarriage happen.

It sounds like she is just trying to keep from feeling anything, and is coming off glib. It doesn't sound like she is planning more children, and it doesn't sound like she had a fun time ending this one...Sure, she is blogging about her experience, if you had to go through something like that, wouldn't YOU blog "starting to cramp" etc?

Albany of the West said...

If getting pregnant again could kill her, why didn't she have her tubes tied or clipped which has a lower rate of failure than an IUD which can fall out completely or get out of place? I don't take offense to her decision to terminate or even her decision to tweet about it, I can see where having that information out there on the web may be useful to someone going through the situation. Her attitude about it *is* disturbing to me though - she seems to be taking it so lightly, like it is just an inconvenience. Not sure if that is a coping mechanism she has come up with to get through the experience, but it is scary to me that someone could chose to terminate their pregnancy and not seem to take it more seriously. You don't have to be "sobbing in your Cherrios" upset about it, but a little bit of giving a crap would be nice.

Thomasin said...

I don't know... I for one have never had an elective abortion but I've had two spontaneous abortions (i.e. miscarriages). And I kind of find it interesting to get the live-action "this is happening right now and this is how I am expressing my experience at this very moment" info. And I'm interested in hearing her speak about it in another week/month/year. Because going through my miscarriages was different for me at the time than it is now, thinking back on them. I wonder if she'll have different thoughts then.

Amanda said...

First of all-why judge when you don't know the full story?

Second of all-Babies NEED to feel wanted. NOT from birth but from point of conception! My mind is open enough to see both sides of the debate.

Prenatal psychology has proven that fetuses DO feel emotion from their mother. Given enough negative and traumatic feedback it is no surprise that many of those children grow up to be incarcerated, emotionally unstable and/or socially unable to handle society.(The words sociopath and psychopath come to mind.)

These individuals have no recourse for their actions and/or so shut down so much so that they cannot feel any longer. Nor can they feel for their fellow man. As an alternative to abortion..maybe intervention/education can start with young girls coming of age.

Key Points: 1.Conscious Conception. 2.Conscious Birth (less intervention) 3.Conscious Parenting.

Anonymous said...

I read her blog. It really does make me sick. I don't understand how she can be so flippant about it when she already HAS a child...I just want to vomit.

megan said...

"its just like having a miscarriage" My miscarriage was an excruciatingly painful experience that I dealt with for months and for her to make light of it.. I don't have the words. I am pro-life, their are so many couple who wait to adopt. If you want to have sex and not get pregnant, use birth control. Termination of a baby is not birth control, its taking a life.

Lauren said...

Her callous words broke my heart. :(
I do understand that her first pregnancy was life-threatening, and she was advised to never get pregnant again. Why didn't she ger her tubes tied then?? Birth control is not 100% effective, and at least a tubal ligation would be a smarter option.
At any rate, it baffles me that she is telling the world about this.

Diana said...

I don't get why this is so shocking? I'm sure other women have blogged about their abortions, the only difference here is that it's live.

What's the big deal? She's not sad enough? I can relate, not every woman is happy to be an involuntary incubator. They feel understandably relieved and thankful that abortion is legal and safe.

I for one, am glad she's happy about her decision. Much better than doing it for any other reason than for herself.

Anonymous said...

I think there is some legitimacy to sharing an experience that is physically uncomfortable but NOT devastating. I think it is okay to make the decision to terminate and not be in emotional agony. I mean, essentially what she is doing is making us all very uncomfortable by not being suitably ashamed.

I also think implications that she is a bad parent because she is terminating another pregnancy without sufficient guilt are completely groundless and wholly unwarranted.

Amy said...

I just had a baby 5 months ago and I can't even imagine or would want to imaging what it would be like to go through that!! The fact that she is taking it so lightly is ridiculous!!! !! Abortion is not even a word I uddered when I was 19 not pregnant and unmarried!!

I was ready to take on the world!! With a baby!! Adoption wasn't even in my vocabulary!! Now I ........ I have a beautiful 11 1/2 year old and a beautiful 5 month old baby boy and could never be happier!!!

F*** Her!!

Anonymous said...

This makes me so sad. I know that she may brush this matter off right now, and not care what other people think, but it's going to come back and haunt her. She will someday wonder why she made such a selfish choice. I can bet that she will regret this at some point and fall into a deep depression. She will forever be burdened by her choice!!

nataliejane81 said...

Mmm well I have to say I have no inclination to read these tweets & blog BUT if I were struggling with the decision over whether to have an abortion or not I can see that candid, detailed descriptions of the early process could help me make an informed decision.
As for her, it seems to me as though she was scared of the prospect of becoming seriously ill herself & her contraception failed (coil I have is AS EFFECTIVE as sterilisation so why have surgery? She was just the unlucky 0.1%).. she's dissociating herself with her baby to make it easier for herself because if she thought of it as a baby the process would be heartbreaking aswell as physically traumatic. This isn't how I would go about it; my own pregnancies and births have been traumatic and one almost killed me but I wouldn't have an abortion myself but she is entitled to for her own wellbeing, shocking though her tweets may be....

Olivia said...

Addressing just her reactions, not her choice, I think it's important to remember each individual handles events differently. Some will grieve profoundly for a miscarriage, and others simply won't. For some it depends on how far the pregnancy is.

For some women abortion is a tragedy, for others it is a relief. To call her behavior callous is to inject your own beliefs onto her. I applaud her for showing a different side to abortion than the typical mourning and regretful woman we are often presented with.

Rebekah Costello said...

*sigh* Ok, I have to say something.

A) I don't know how many of you know how old this woman is but I don't so let's consider the fact that having herself sterilized may not BE an option for her. If she's under 25, a lot of places/insurance companies/etc will not DO IT. Even if she begs on bended knee, she can't have it!

B) Tubal ligation has a FAIL RATE. It is not 100% effective so you don't even know if she has had one or not, she said her birth control failed!

C) EVERY method of female sterilization, short of removing the ovaries themselves (which is extremely unhealthy and should only be done in dire emergencies where there is no other option) carries the risk of ectopic pregnancy, which can be FATAL and also leads to the premature death of the baby. All of you people out there screaming for women to get sterilized if they don't want kids do not seem to GET this. "I'm pro-life, get a tubal" is the mantra of someone who is poorly educated about the risks and benefits of tubal ligation, or any other method of permanent sterilization. I'm not saying it isn't an option, but it's not riskless or any more of a guarantee of success than getting an IUD. And yes, even IUD's fail.

D) Whoever it was that said she should just get a hysterectomy isn't thinking clearly. Having a hysto done for NO MEDICAL REASON is stupid, unsafe, and will screw up her body for the rest of her life. That is why it's a last resort option in women's health care!

Again, I'm not a fan of abortion but I think people's reaction here shows knee-jerk emotional responses with very little actual thought behind them. Yes, it makes me uncomfortable how calloused she *appears* to be about it but I don't KNOW her. She loves her son, that much shines through, and she obviously feels very strongly this is the best choice for her. I think some people are mistaking a lack of guilt for a lack of heart.

I still think it's weird she tweeted/blogged about it but I don't think it automatically makes her evil incarnate, a bad mother or a cold as ice individual. I think, rather, that people find it very easy to grab pitchforks and torches and go after the "monster" they don't understand, rather than sit back and TRY to understand.

I am anti-abortion as a general rule, but I am not pro-life, only because I do not want to be associated with people that can't be bothered to really think about the situation. Much easier to throw mud in a rabid fashion than it is to get to the heart of the issue and see what can truly be done about it.

The Whites said...

She just wants attention... maybe the whole thing is a scam, just like the balloon boy. She did make national news. Her tone is just so... immature. bleh!

Accidentally_Mommy said...

I have to say that when I first heard of this, I didn't have the time/clear head (painkillers ftl) to really check it out and see what was going on. I figured (and commented) that if a woman has the right to broadcast her birth live feed for educational purposes, then why shouldn't a woman who has made the decision to terminate a pregnancy have those same rights?

However, having read the twitter account this woman has posted and her personal journal myself, I don't in any way feel that what she has decided to do is educational.

Nowhere does she state the science behind what she's doing. Additionally, there is no adherence to common ethics here; quite the opposite. There is a lot of anti-pregnancy agenda pushing going on. If anything, I see this as a not-so-subtle advocacy of abortion as contraception. It sends the message of "this isn't so bad, what's the big hullabaloo over putting thought into it and making an informed decision? Just do it!"

It greatly concerns me that women who have erroneously allowed themselves to fall pregnant will take this message and continue to make those poor decisions, all the while figuring that "it's not so bad, why not?" in regards to the abortions they figure they can have. This not only promotes risky sexual behaviors, this promotes very real risks to their reproductive health should they ever be in the position later to desire to carry a pregnancy to term.

I am very pro-choice, often leaning pro-abortion in many cases, especially those in which a child's welfare will be threatened if it's born into a situation that is dangerous in any way. That said, this woman... she epitomizes every thing I can imagine a pro-life faction would argue against. She is flippant and appears to really have put little thought into this.

Risey said...

Some people just really don't feel emotion with abortions, and that's fine, in my opinion. Some people would feel destroyed by an abortion, and that's fine, too. Different people have different opinions that they are entitled to. Yeah, a lot of what she said was cold, but it doesn't mean she isn't entitled to feel that way - she is her own person with rights, too. Also, she can not have been far along to have that pill (the baby would not have even had any conscious thoughts, etc).

Tiffany said...

This actually makes me sad for her son, because I was going to say something to the effect "it might actually be a good thing that she's NOT going to become a mother" and then I realized she already is one. How sad.

She seems so very callous and cold and wow... I would fall apart in tears if I had to go through something like that (I've been through a miscarriage before; I can't imagine any reason to go through with an abortion).

So very sad and heartbreaking.

Andrea said...

I can't comment on this because it was too difficult to read. However, on a lighter note: You've been given a BEAUTIFUL BLOGGER AWARD! To claim it, go here:

Justin Laws said...

Well, I suppose the same can be said about the opposite spectrum. Does the world need to know how happy and excited you are about having a child? I personally don't care to hear either side of it.

Melanie said...

I would like to know who and most importantly, why someone would want to call this woman a god. She is completely selfish and at the very leas should have chosen a better form of birth control if carrying a child is so fatal now. (Although I seriously doubt it is since she has already given birth to a child.)

Serenyd said...

My friend, who does not want to have a child because of her bipolar disease, blogged about her three abortions (all of which occured while she was married) and how awful the experiences were for her, including one using the "abortion pill." She believes there should be better options for women who wish to terminate an early pregnancy than are currently available. She handled the subject with a lot more tact and finesse than this woman will ever have.

Julia said...

I read about this on a pro-life site. Very sad. She wanted to show how easy it was to use the abortion drug and that it was no big deal. She ended up showing the world the exact opposite. Woman are lied to about these drugs. The media makes out these drugs are quick and easy to use, she fell for that and thought she would prove it but the reality is you can take up to two weeks to go through this. These are dangerous drugs that can do harm to a healthy body. Women have died from bleeding to death and setpic shock because the drug has not worked properly and the baby is still retained in the womb. This is not safe for women!
I feel sorry for this girl that she felt so little for her baby and for all women who feel they have to make this choice.

Erin said...

Oh, how sad and how sick. :(

Another example of how people have less and less value for life. Because of the increased ability to do things such as take a pill that ends a pregnancy, people are becoming apathetic about it, and people think that every single thing in life is within their control. Well, it's not. Did you hear the equally sick story of the parents who asked the doc to abort their twin with downs syndrome, and when he killed the other twin by mistake, they went back to him to have the "correct" twin killed! And then they sued him afterward. So, so sick.

Even if it is all fake, the idea to do this at all (tweet it this way, I mean) is just twisted.

Erin said...

And here's a thought that I know will be unpopular: using birth control does not make one "responsible." When one wants to have their cake and eat it too (meaning have sex for fun with no chance of conception)... well, that just isn't ever a guarantee. The only way to be truly responsible, if you absolutely don't want to conceive, is to not have sex when you are fertile. Accept that there is ALWAYS a chance of becoming pregnant, no matter how "responsible" you think you are being. Sex and conception are intrinsically connected, and cases like this (where she says her contraception failed) are just an example of how modern humanity thinks it can control everything - we cannot!

Cyn said...

"I don't know how many of you know how old this woman is but I don't so"

At the top of this very blog entry, it says she's 27.

Sandra Mort said...

I apologize if I repeat stuff already said in the comments section, but am unable to face the comments that may be before mine.

I just wanted to say that had I been pregnant with my unplanned pregnancy 20 years sooner, I probably would have done something similar to this. I was unhappy about the whole situation, despite having made the choice, and used bravado and detachment to survive the experience. I went out, dropped a couple of tabs of acid and partied all night long, insisting I was "just fine".

It doesn't mean I didn't care. If anything, the opposite. I was just hurting TOO much to be able to face the truth.

Sandra Mort said...

Yes, it's unlikely that a 27 year old with only one child will find a doctor who will perform a tubal on her. I had a friend who was in her thirties when she died and had spent her *entire* sexually active period of time trying to find somebody who would do it for her. She had zero interest in having children but because she was unmarried, young and without kids, it was not an option. STUPID!

Anonymous said...

I have so many conflicting opinions on this entry, not only that, but reading the comments for mine only brought up more legitimate opinions to be considered. That being said, here is where I stand...

First, it may seem as though she is cold and unfeeling (and maybe she is), but I have seen many people deal with grief and remorse in many different ways. How are we to know what her true feelings are when she is lying in bed trying to sleep, with only her own thoughts for company? Do we think we know her because we have read her "tweets"? That is ridiculous, I would argue that there are many people who we have personal relationships with, that we can't truly know. So whatever her feelings, whatever her level of remorse we simply cannot determine those things from something as impersonal as "tweets" or blogs.
Secondly, it really isn't important if she is remorseful or sad. Haven't you ever had to make a decision that was so straight forward to you, that there was no other option? In such a case you might not feel any remorse, or sadness or regret, and that would be okay, no healthy even. Feeling regret or sadness over situation in which you had no other options is counterproductive. (I am not saying she didn't have any other options, I am arguing that to her she may not have)
Thirdly, I do feel sad, and do think that her comments are hard to read. That being said...if you don't like what she is saying, don't read it. There is no law that says if someone writes a blog and or tweets that you have to read it. BTW, I am pretty sure you could find much more offensive topics and writing should you choose to look.
Fourthly, and lastly (whew finally!) I have had 2 abortions in my life. One when I was 15 and one when I was 16. Both pregnancies were as a result of severe abuse that lasted from when I was 7 to 17. Ugly, ugly. You will be happy to know this person is spending the rest of their life in prison. Abortion is a life saver, to many of us, and not just because we cannot physically carry a child, sometimes we cannot emotionally carry a child. So needless to say, I do not judge. I have 2 beautiful girls (the second of which was unplanned) and never considered abortion even a glimmer of an idea when I was pregnant with both of them. You do not truly know what a person is going through, and maybe this is the choice that will help her life be all it can be for her and her son.
On a side note...thousands of children are born every year that are unwanted and unloved. So this idea that there are parents waiting for your pregnancy is ridiculous to me. If you are so anti-abortion please either adopt or find homes for these poor children that are already born! They have little to no chance at life and no future for most of them, and will someday most likely be a drain, and burden on this world. That is the true heart breaking story. Leave this woman alone and find some love for the babies that are breathing the air, with no arms to hold them.

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