Monday, May 24, 2010

Neglect-o-Matic



"Sleep experts have written dozens of books that detail proven methods to help your child sleep through the night, but lets face it, its not easy to remember the details of a book you read when its 4am and your baby is crying. Thats why we worked closely with a pediatrician to take these same proven methods and put them into a simple to use electronic device. By gradually increasing the time parents let their children cry it out, the children learn to soothe themselves to sleep while still getting parental support that is key to good child development. Plus you can connect the goodnight sleep trainer to the web to track sleep patterns online and compare against statistical norms"

And now you don't even need a separate device!  You can be told how long to neglect your baby right on your iPhone with the Ciao Baby App!

No... seriously... this is no "Bacon-flavored Baby Formula" sort of joke.  I WISH it was.  These things really exist.  Apparently CIO isn't ridiculous enough, now cheap technology can tell you whether it's time to parent your child or not.  "No sweetie, ignore the sounds of Susie vomiting from distress... my phone hasn't beeped at me yet"  Maybe they'll add features that let us know when we're allowed to feed our kids as well.  Little alarms can go off if we've given them too many hugs and kisses or *god forbid* held them too long!  Brilliant.  Evidently we're not smart enough to actually pay attention to our offspring and our instincts, eh?  Save yourself a few bucks and love your kid.  If you expected a full night's sleep, you should have gotten a plant.

Someday soon... RoboNannies.


Arm yourself with love and knowledge, not gizmos!

Kathy Dettwyler on Sleeping Through the Night: http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html



9 comments:

jessica faye. said...

absolutely DISGUSTING! i can't believe people can actually stand listening to their child cry, let alone VOMIT from crying!! my son absolutely HATES diaper changes and SCREAMS (because the cold wipes) and i rush to get the change done just so i don't have to hear him in such distress. how can ANYONE listen to their child do that for more than 2 minutes? ahhhhhh!! some people just shouldn't be parents. it's so awful!

BeebaBottoms said...

Ugh! with my first, I was trying so hard NOT to cosleep because I was being bullied by family about how "dangerous" it was, and we tried CIO (BREIFLY), and it was torture! not just for baby, but for us! Never again. to let a mechanical device tell you when to soothe your child? that is horrible. every baby is different and a computer has no clue, that is why babies have parents, to learn their cues and to be there and care for them. I sat and listened to my first baby cry for one evening... and then I gave up on that. it was NOT ok. Babies do NOT need to cry. crying is a sign of distress. and how does that stupid computer not know tht maybe baby is not hungry, wet, or poopy, too? or are you supposed to let them sit in their dirty diapers for a sustained length of time too??

drunkenbullfrog said...

after reading that there's proof crying it out causes brain damage... i don't think anyone would be smart to use this... thing.

September Love said...

I love how well you put into words how AWFUL this is. We also tried CIO for a few days with our daughter, and NEVER AGAIN will I be duped into expecting an infant to act like an adult. Heck, not even adults really sleep through the night. But when we wake we KNOW that we are ok. Babies need mothering. Babies need fathering. Why the heck can't people understand that babies need to be babies and that they're not manipulating us when they don't sleep like rocks all night long. Neglect-O-Matic is right. I think these devices should be illegal. It's torture is what it is. It's sick.

newincs said...

LOVE the "should have gotten a plant" comment!! I SO agree! Another great blog post! We should all email IPHONE and tell them that their app constitutes abuse and neglect and see if we can get it pulled!! Anyone with me?

Jem said...

@Jessica: if your son screams at the cold wipes, why not use warm water and cotton wool/a flannel instead?

I suggest people make their feelings on "ciao baby" known to the app creators - feedback@littlebluemonkey.com

Anonymous said...

um...wow. i can't believe that. that is absolutely ridiculous. my jaw literally dropped when i read the first paragraph my hubby was like "uh what happened??" lol
but jokes aside, its so sad people actually use that.

mystic_eye_cda said...

There's also several apps for nursing on schedule.

There's even an ezzo related app for tracking "corrections" with a "rod" so you can keep track.

My friend did have fun with an online contraction counter though =))

mystic_eye_cda said...

PS if my first child cried more than about 15 minutes I would actually vomit. Nice, made for lots of fun when I couldn't get him to settle (reflux) or we were trapped on a highway.

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