tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post3823780125260052311..comments2023-10-15T01:52:45.422-07:00Comments on Woman, Uncensored: Is a healthy baby ALL that matters?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-81261654507608855472011-02-06T11:21:47.398-08:002011-02-06T11:21:47.398-08:00Oh my goodness! Did you tell her that even ACOG, t...Oh my goodness! Did you tell her that even ACOG, the almighty god of her field of work, has proclaimed VBACs (even after multiple ceseareans) to be safe?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-22638948723577751592011-02-05T04:34:53.108-08:002011-02-05T04:34:53.108-08:00I agree that doctors and some individuals who mean...I agree that doctors and some individuals who mean well focus so much on the baby they forget about the mother and it isn't just c-section verus vaginal birth either, it's whether or not to treat depression/anxiety during pregnancy. I had severe post partum depression that next time I'm insisting on staying on meds, however some doctors are paranoid about at and I'm at the point it's either find a doctor who understand my point of view or I won't have another child because I need not go through things like I did last time!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-57229027459200474642011-02-04T21:30:22.089-08:002011-02-04T21:30:22.089-08:00What a great post!! Thank-you for this! The birth ...What a great post!! Thank-you for this! The birth of my daughter was such an unsettling experience for me, even with it being a vaginal birth. I educated myself after having her and my experience when having my son was completely different! Such a healing experience. I hope your second delivery was just as healing for you.DefinitionOfAWifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02968439965861563489noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-6441317364645400382011-02-04T16:46:27.188-08:002011-02-04T16:46:27.188-08:00Your post brought me to tears. My son is 10 months...Your post brought me to tears. My son is 10 months old and I am just figuring out how traumatized I am by the birth of my son. My midwife really let me down and the cascade of interventions defiantly happened. I was very close to having a c section but my baby was forced out with a level 4 episiotomy and forceps. :( It was horrible. I was pressured into getting an epidural after not progressing fast enough and "not handling the pain well" Midwifes words not mine......sigh anyway, your right. We need to talk about this.Yes my baby is healthy but he was never able to nurse. I dont know if we were both so traumatized it didn't work out or what, but I ended up exclusively pumping up till now (10 months) and that is a very hard thing to do, I pictured naping with my baby not putting him down so I could rush to pump every 2.5 hours. I pictured nursing him, not washing bottles and and being attached to a double pump for hours...Thanks for listening. :(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-44825919240008804552011-02-04T16:37:06.077-08:002011-02-04T16:37:06.077-08:00Thank you so much for this post. While both of my ...Thank you so much for this post. While both of my children were birthed vaginally, and I was not forced into a c-section as you were, I still experienced a LOT of pushing and intimidation toward the desires I had in store for MY births. Two kids later, two inductions later, two births later after being ticked down that terrifying timer that screams, "You only have so long to progress before you'll be cut open" and feeling that I am beyond fortunate to never have been torn open as my mother was, I feel as though I have learned so much: about myself, about the medical profession, and about especially the topic you speak of, how women are monumentally ignored and shoved aside when it comes to childbirth by that damned mantra. Women experience PTSD and extreme levels of PPD because of their experiences during labor and delivery, and have this so ingrained into their minds that they never speak up and say that to them, the whole experience mattered and that THEY DESERVED BETTER. During labor we are treated like nothing more than a warm body in a bed. Our importance and our role in birth is typically ignored, but the medical community is quick to blame US for any problems with misleading, accusatory wording ("YOU failed to progress," "YOUR body just can't do this," etc). Part of that pressure to meet some impossible preset standard for what a perfect medical labor and delivery should be is what makes so many women clench up and begin to fear the whole process.<br />Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for helping women who have had similar experiences feel less alone in the world and less guilty for the legitimate feelings they have. As a woman I am proud of you for standing up for your baby AND yourself.Crunchy Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17775409083132099200noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-59656317789423104472011-02-04T13:56:37.778-08:002011-02-04T13:56:37.778-08:00What a great post! I am currently 40 weeks and 1 d...What a great post! I am currently 40 weeks and 1 day with a breech baby. I have tried everything to get this baby to turn, but nothing has worked. We have had to schedule a c-section when I'll be 41 weeks and 1 day. A number of friends and family members have told me "a healthy baby is all that matters" and I haven't been shy about adding, "yes, but my health matters too"! As a nurse-midwife, I am fortunate to be informed about what a c-section means and my husband and I plan to do everything we can to make this a special experience (although, I must admit that I too pushed the possibility of surgery out of my mind my entire pregnancy!). I'm also happy to hear you had a successful VBAC because I will definitely try for a VBAC next time! The L&D nurse in your story needs to get up to date with the literature on the safety and success rates of VBAC vs. repeat c-section.Emiliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03441631006006813810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-71677659593980949612011-02-03T22:32:55.876-08:002011-02-03T22:32:55.876-08:00Thankyou.
This is EXACTLY how I feel.Thankyou.<br /><br />This is EXACTLY how I feel.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-63195714696418687392011-02-03T20:46:01.542-08:002011-02-03T20:46:01.542-08:00Great post. 36 and 38 years ago I felt the same. S...Great post. 36 and 38 years ago I felt the same. Same comments and same feeling inside about my invisibility except as an incubator. I became a midwife after that. Qualified 30 years ago so that I could do my dammedest to help women have a better time of their births. <br />It helps.JudyChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04169632251807561683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-27110054493490514302011-02-03T19:08:18.667-08:002011-02-03T19:08:18.667-08:00May I also add that the "healthy baby is all ...May I also add that the "healthy baby is all that matters" also does disservice to the many children born with any sort of disability. Do they not "matter" now? Are they not "all that's important?" Every baby is a baby that's worthy of love, no matter what the circumstances surrounding their conception, the route they take to enter this world or their condition once they arrive here.Tracihttp://www.facebook.com/PurpleLotusDoulasnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-76955010306691539352010-03-18T16:09:12.331-07:002010-03-18T16:09:12.331-07:00Thank you for giving my feelings a voice. I may b...Thank you for giving my feelings a voice. I may be fowarding this blog to a few people I know who always say, "But at least you have a healthy baby."kristin.mccownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07648286879876351923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-12911715083009722652010-03-09T04:35:14.777-08:002010-03-09T04:35:14.777-08:00I'm a labor and delivery nurse and women like ...I'm a labor and delivery nurse and women like you are the saving grace of my profession. Women who educate themselves and fight for natural deliveries are preserving normal birth in a time when people are forgetting that it's possible. My own first birth was only semi-traumatic and we did manage a vaginal delivery just barely. My second delivery was a wonderful, gentle home birth with a licensed nurse midwife. Birth options should be available to every mother. They are worth fighting for. Congratulations.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-37794457979455112722010-03-08T16:42:36.113-08:002010-03-08T16:42:36.113-08:00Thank you for dispelling the myth that we all have...Thank you for dispelling the myth that we all have to be so grateful for our healthy children that we cannot mention any disappointments about our birth experiences. My doula disregarded EVERYTHING I told her was important to me. I wanted to watch Law & Order while I was in labor (because I don't have cable at home and also realized it might be my last chance to watch an entire episode without interruption), the peaceful place I wanted to visualize during meditation was the aisle at Target where everything costs $1, and was content to follow my doctor's advice regarding C-Sections. She decided the TV was too distracting and turned it off, encouraged me to think of meadows and babbling brooks and fought my doctor on the C-Section to the point that he asked me to sign an acknowledgement that I was going against his medical advice because I was endangering the health of my child. It turns out that the C-section was medically necessary (and I haven't seen Law & Order in 18 months). I encourage all women to OWN their experience and to find a birthing partner who will stand up for their desires when push comes to shove.tierrafionahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10026787824207564789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-1750032167657220362010-03-08T09:07:31.234-08:002010-03-08T09:07:31.234-08:00Andrea_ This is an excellent must read for all of ...Andrea_ This is an excellent must read for all of the healthcare professionals I work with AND all the young women out there. Today I am trying to view the NIH VBAC webcast livestream (which keeps cutting out on me) and the multitude of issues presented are fabulous! You have a wonderful story telling ability, sharing your emotional journey and raw pain. I can see you are a strong woman. That female family member...?... her view...unsolicited and IRRELEVANT! Hurtful just the same. Keep telling your story.. I will share where I can. @Birth_LactationStorkSorieshttp://obnurse35yrs.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-2802743701335977132010-03-08T03:57:07.795-08:002010-03-08T03:57:07.795-08:00What about induction and ceserean birth is "h...What about induction and ceserean birth is "healthy" for the baby anyhow....<br /><br /><br />The process of birth is so important to the transition from girl to mother. Even the pain plays a large role in this transition. I also see birth, be it natural at home, or highly manage in a hospital as a rite of passage, a time of transition, to respect the changes, it needs to be such, if we steal this away, or allow mothers to suffer in silence about it being less than expected, or painful, or down right aweful. Or chastize women for bragging about their successes, overcoming past birth dissapointment, or belittling their choices (wanting natural) before their birth occurs (you think you want that now, but just wait till your in labor, you'll be begging for an epidural) its not only mean and thoughtless, but it fails to show respect for the significance of the experience of birth.Hallie Dhttp://www.anewlifebeginsdoula.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-58497757758469853372010-03-08T00:50:41.169-08:002010-03-08T00:50:41.169-08:00@Andrea--of all the times, one idiot friend came i...@Andrea--of all the times, one idiot friend came in while I was IN LABOR with my first and talked about her horrible birth and my Mom joined in! I was so angry. I pretended to go to sleep and they were asked to leave. <br /><br />Really, for the most part, I heard wonderful birth stories--how much my family loved their epidurals *rolls eyes* and they didn't get me not wanting to get all drugged out.<br /><br />But I also surrounded myself with natural birth stories while I was pregnant. Before that, I really just had media birth >_< and cats, lol, for a frame of reference. But I wasn't scared of birth. I believed I could do it. I didn't think I'd really have much trouble. And my labor was so easy. So it was all the more crushing when they were wheeling me into the OR and the nurse grabbed my face and was yelling at me to "shut up" because I was "scaring the other patients." No, I'm not kidding. I was terrified, in pain and desolate and that's how I was treated. They wouldn't even let my husband hold my hand while they put the spinal in. I screamed and screamed for him, too. I had to hold onto the nurse who yelled at me.<br /><br />Once the spinal was in, the actual birth was calm and happy, like the last three minutes of hell hadn't happened. Six minutes later, I was looking at my baby. It was still my beautiful, perfect daughter's birth, even if the experience I wanted was stolen from me.<br /><br />But I didn't get to change her first diaper. I didn't get to see her first bath. I couldn't go to the nursery with her. I missed SO MUCH. I couldn't move for almost a whole day, my legs were numb and dead. I couldn't sit up on my own for two weeks. I couldn't use the bathroom on my own for a week. I was in pain; I couldn't lift my own baby without help...<br /><br />No, a healthy baby isn't all that matters. My cesarean was a "good" one. No complications, except when I overdid it going up the five stairs to my home, holding my baby. She was beyond my lifting limit by the time I could actually pick her up and not fear dropping her.<br /><br />My VBAC baby, I wore the day after I birthed her as I walked through the store, getting some groceries for the babymoon. <br /><br />The difference... oh, the difference. :( And so many doctors would have denied me that just because my first was a cesarean.Samhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06710952343278124124noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-53747813650679470362010-03-08T00:19:25.976-08:002010-03-08T00:19:25.976-08:00this brought tears to my eyes. This could have eas...this brought tears to my eyes. This could have easily been my story. I VBA2Ced and the negativity from others was astounding!Clarindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08527040109994849082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-27212619080642447382010-03-07T20:38:59.542-08:002010-03-07T20:38:59.542-08:00@Anonymous- Thanks for sharing your story! Sounds ...@Anonymous- Thanks for sharing your story! Sounds like you have educated yourself this time around and it's awesome you hired a doula. Mine was instrumental in my VBAC and she was worth every penny :) Best wished on your VBAC. Oh, and it's common that providers pull the "bait and switch" when it comes to VBAC. Mine did at 37 weeks but it was too late to transfer. <br /><br />@Morgan- Your birth sounds amazing! The nurse asked me if students could come in to watch my VBAC but I declined. I didn't want anyone there, but I wish I could have at least talked to them! <br /><br />@wookumu- Thanks for your comment :) No, you're not alone!Andreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07432369289709223197noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-79472238063426799122010-03-05T21:02:09.275-08:002010-03-05T21:02:09.275-08:00so glad i found your website, so glad there are mo...so glad i found your website, so glad there are more people out there like me. most days i feel like my family and i are wandering around on the wrong planet. we're not alone! yaywookumunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-30447856984046330632010-03-05T18:30:27.229-08:002010-03-05T18:30:27.229-08:00This is great conversation. I am brought to tears...This is great conversation. I am brought to tears for the posts I read and the recollection of my amazingly beautiful Bradley pregnancy & birth - trying to add a comment in a few words is hard. I have my delivery written and would love to share it with your blog if you want it.<br />I faint at the sight and thought of blood and was terrified of labor. A friend who had a Bradley water birth encouraged me to educate myself about labor & delivery & medical interventions ( At the time, I thought she was a nut for delivering in water and not wanting drugs). I am forever grateful. My son is 8 months old and I frequently recall the amazing feelings of labor and the pride I have in myself and my body for delivery. I can't explain it. I'm a small person and the Drs had me jumping through hoops with their prediction of me not being able to birth the "large" baby I was carrying (delivery weight was 8lbs 11ozs). My story is so common. Baby is too big, let's schedule a cesearean. I embraced labor, I knew what my body was doing, relished in the double peaking contractions, stayed in control and delivered using a squat bar in a hospital. Nursing students were frequently brought in to observe me laboring outside the bed and my room was filled with nurses and students when I delivered. My Dr never experienced anything like my delivery and nurses from other areas of the hospital came by to see me as the news spread. I am in tears as I recall clutching the squat bar and looking down at my son and announcing "I did it"!<br /><br />Follow your passion and educate the generations to come. Our bodies are meant to bear a child and know how to deliver.Morgannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-84550908126092614922010-03-05T13:59:05.129-08:002010-03-05T13:59:05.129-08:00So true. It has taken me a long time to deal with ...So true. It has taken me a long time to deal with my c-section, I think I am not totally healed inside. I think that our doctor made us believe that a c-section was necessary after only 2 hours of pushing because he was posterior. She made us believe that I was putting him in danger if I delayed the c-section. Nevertheless, afterwards, she told us that there wasn’t a reason why I wouldn’t successfully vbac next time around. So we went back to her still thinking that even my experience had been horrible, she did her best to help our son be born safely. But her earlier support for a vbac started to dwindle the more and more we talked with her. She mentioned the risk of uterine rupture with vbac, never talked about the risks of repeat c-sections, she mentioned my supposedly only 50/50 change of success based on my previous indication for c-section (who knows how they get their #s), and when I insisted on having a vbac, she said okay but “I would induce you if you are overdue or we suspect a large baby” (two bogus reasons to induce). When she said that, I knew that a vbac with her would be nearly impossible and that I really would run the risk of having the uterine rupture they love to mention so much to push the need of a repeat c-section if I allowed her to induce me. So I changed caregivers late in my pregnancy. My parents were totally shocked asking me "but aren't you and N. healthy? Wasn’t he born safely? Why do you question her opinion?". The attitude that doctors know best and that they have your best interests at heart is so pervasive that makes me sick. According to my medical report, my baby's heartbeat was great, but she made us believe at the time that his rate was not stable, and that my only option then was a c-section to have him safely. I am mad that I could have given him birth vaginally if I had had a doctor or a midwife who had the patience and the knowledge to help me give birth vaginally to my posterior baby. I am mad at myself that I allowed this to happen to us. I am also guilty of not paying attention to the c-section sections on the books I read and childbirth class. As I approach my due date this time, I am hopeful that I would succeed to have a vbac with the help of my doula and midwives. I have a doula that will defend me from being rush into anything. I don’t think I am blindfolded this time around and I feel that whatever happens this time, I will have given it my best shot. It’s easier to deal with the aftermath of a c-section when it was clearly to save your life or your baby’s life, not because your “caregivers” decide that “time is up” for you or other bogus reasons that don’t have anything to do with the health status of the baby or yourself or because they pressure you to have a bunch of interventions that end up sending you to the OR table.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-38974554599919504862010-03-05T07:49:12.906-08:002010-03-05T07:49:12.906-08:00@Samantha, Jasmine and Brittney, THANK YOU!
@Po...@Samantha, Jasmine and Brittney, THANK YOU! <br /><br />@Poppet- Yeah for VBAC! My fight turned me into a birth advocate! <br /><br />@Tiny- I'm a birth junkie too. And it drives my husband crazy too! But, it's a subject we sort of agree not to get tangled in. If he questions my emotions about birth, he knows he'll get an earful of tears, so he stays away :) <br /><br />@Tiffany- So many women don't think they have options when their provider wants to embark on interventions like the ones you mentioned. I think they COUNT on women thinking they have no power!<br /><br />@Tiffany #2- I love your quote at the end. And I know lots of women that DID think their birth was fun. But, I do think regardless of fun, as women, we have the right to experience it. <br /><br />@Ez- I hope you find peace and get to process your feelings :( <br /><br />@Lilly Rose- Thanks for sharing your story! Interesting that you found a woman who told you a horror story about c-section, usually we only hear those about vaginal birth all our lives! <br /><br />@Jill- Now, when I hear "A healthy baby is all that matters" I respond with. No, a healthy MOM matters too. Then the argument starts about how safe c-section is for both. If I'm in the mood, I start rattling off research about the risk, especially of multiple c-section. Then I end with my PTSD. That usually shuts them up. <br /><br />@Molly- Beautifully said! And yes, it IS sexist!!! <br /><br />@J- Thanks! I think as women, as Woman Uncensored can attest to, when we speak our minds, no matter how educated we are, no matter if it comes from a place of peace and love, we are considered a villain. In this patriarchal society, most people are intimidated by outspoken women. <br /><br />@Lauren- COngrats on your VBAC! <br /><br />@Laura- Yes, women have traumatic experiences from both c-section and vaginal birth. No matter what, all the feelings matter! <br /><br />@Christa- HBAC!!! Congrats! That's my dream...<br /><br />@Suzi- I"m sorry that you have those feelings. The more I started talking about it, the more women in my circle of friends came out and shared similar experiences. Not all, but some!Andreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07432369289709223197noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-46302719419348773452010-03-05T05:20:36.114-08:002010-03-05T05:20:36.114-08:00omg yes.
My daughters birth did NOT go to plan, an...omg yes.<br />My daughters birth did NOT go to plan, and i ended up with all the inteventions bar a csection... episiotomy,forceps,epidural etc etc<br /><br />all anyone told me after she was born is that all that matters is shes here safe, when all i kept thinking was... i didnt even feel how to push my baby out, i grieved so much for that birth that i needed to do... for me. noone understands it though...Mama to Munchkinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09669195373636409835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-6013317134458757522010-03-05T05:05:37.353-08:002010-03-05T05:05:37.353-08:00I had twins first. And people assume that when I s...I had twins first. And people assume that when I say I had a horrible experience that I had a c-section. But I didn't I was induced 8 weeks early, threatened every moment of every day for 9 days that I would have a c-section. I was given scare tactics, ultimatims and a deadline. I was denied food and water for 9 days, I was put on drugs that I BEGGED them to stop. I WAS LIED TO. But when push came to shove... I pushed. 4 times to be exact and brought my two baby girls into this world.<br /><br />My horrible experience wasn't because of surgery, it was because no one stopped to reallly weigh the options, the possibilities. They all stared at the ultrasound screen saying, something is wrong, there's two of them in there, something HAS TO BE wrong.<br />Did I ever recieve an apology from the doctors who threw me to the pack of wolves? No. Did they ever admit that maybe they rushed into things? No. Instead they said "Thank God nothing was wrong with your babies! Thank God WE delivered them and they're going to live."<br />Truth be told, they would have continued living just fine in my uterus, they would have been born a full gestation, and all would have been well.<br />So now as a mom who has had it both ways, one "high risk" over managed, pregnancy and hospital delivery, and one midwife monitored pregnancy and a home birth. I choose the later, and will every single time.Christahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06700383690878839987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-32782756885234350682010-03-05T04:40:31.487-08:002010-03-05T04:40:31.487-08:00While I've never had a Cesarean, I did have a ...While I've never had a Cesarean, I did have a traumatic birth experience with my first. I remember trying to justify it as a good birth experience and I still have that blog somewhere around the internet. That birth experience left me with absolutely no confidence about my body being able to birth a child and when the time came for my second to be born, I pushed for an unneeded induction because I had associated the issues of the first birth with my son's weight (9lbs). Thankfully, my induction went great (meaning it didn't end up in a C-section), but I do regret having been induced. However, the induction did show me that I AM able to have a wonderful birth despite the weight of the child! I birthed a 9 lbs 7 oz child with no complications like with my first. I trust my body now, and this baby (my third) will come when she wants. I trust I can birth an even bigger child with no complications.Lauranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2799685441547308974.post-23783721914583080562010-03-05T00:01:39.750-08:002010-03-05T00:01:39.750-08:00This brought tears to my eyes; wonderful post!!!! ...This brought tears to my eyes; wonderful post!!!! I was bullied and manipulated into an unnecesarean with my first and suffered from PTSD for months afterward. I began to research birth and was bound and determined to have my VBAC next time. Long story short, I had a natural birth with my 2nd just four months ago. It was truly a triumphant moment and helped heal me. :)Laurennoreply@blogger.com